My dad was diagnosed of Cancer of the Colon early March of 2011. Because he was used to eating spicy food, he ignored the symptoms of excreting blood everytime he goes to the toilet. Auntie mar went with him to Doctors Hospital and Dr. Dave Banayo, the same doctor who handled my case, took some tests and recommended him to be operated by Dr. Cecil of PGH. Due to the urgency of the situation and since my dad was excreting so much blood and was suffering from so much pain, Auntie Mar decided to take a shot and they went to Manila to discuss it with Dr. Cecil. We were unaware that in PGH, you queue up like you were in a fastfood restaurant, regardless of whether the patient is dying or not. They waited there for long hours, with mosquitoes all over them... Because Mommy Hayde and I called Auntie Mar every now and then, we have to make a decision- that instead of going back to San Pablo or going in a hotel, I took the shot to bring him to Chinese Medical Hospital so they can treat the pain.
Dr. Samuel Ang, a very good and reputable doctor handled my dad's case. Dr. Ang is known very well in handling stage 4 Colon Cancer patients as he was really good at that, they said. Thank God that Dr. Ang was given to us to provide his opinion regarding the tests conducted. He saw that there were lymph nodes surrounding the cysts of my dad and he said that those were malignant. He refused to do the surgery and instead, he suggested that my dad undergo radiation and chemotherapy. Because there was no cancer insitute in San Pablo, Dad and Auntie Mar travelled from San Pablo to Binan everyday just to have that cure. Unfortunately, the chemotherapy is unavailable in Binan that time and he needs to take a travel from Binan to Las Pinas every Friday. My dad's health began to deteriorate but we saw that he was still fighting. Laban kasi kami nina Mommy eh, nina Tita Grace, nina Tito Choy. We called for a family meeting to discuss the expenses. Buhay to. We need to make sure that we have enough funds to support the medical procedures for my dad. Yes, it's true it hurts our pockets. It changed the other plans meant for this year. It bursted the budget plan. But who cares? Buhay to and mas dapat to unahin, we said. So instead of stopping the medication, Auntie mar and I decided to check on Mt. Cabrini. Thank God that they do have radiationn and chemotherapy technology ready in Cabrini. Thus, my dad ddidn't need to take an hour-2 hours of travel everyday. He just took 30 minutes to get to Sto Tomas, where mt. Cabrini housed Cancer Institute patioents. Dr. Ang said, he only needed 1 month to bear these activities and afterwards, he would need to rest for another month to make his body ready for the surgery.
My dad despised the surgery. Becuase my dad is deaf and mute, he told me that it was so hard for him when he underwent the operation the last time. The doctors cannot understand him and he cannot respond to what the doctors want him to do. He was traumatized by the anaesthesia experience, it didn't sank in and he was so scared that the same might happen to him. I prayed very hard and believed that chemo and radiation theraphy CAN and WILL shrank the cysts so no operation may be done. But on his 2nd week of resting, we need to rush him back to Chinese Medical because there was no change in the level of pain that my dad felt. It even went worst. Ambulance was provided by Ate Jovie and Butchok so we may bring him back to Manila. Thus, to sum it all up- he suffered from this pain and blood loss from March-August. For 5 months, my dad suffered from the pain but stood by the promise of God- that He has better plans for him.
A total of 7 days of preparation for the surgery.. Blood was taken from Johndel and Noriel and all were ready until we got this 5-minute message from Dr. Ang that "we've reached the end of the line. We can no longer conduct the surgery because the cancer cells were very aggressive. It affected his liver and his pancreas already". That was when I felt the biggest fear ever.
I initially booked my flight on Sept. 1st. But when I got that phone call and did skype with my sisters back home and saw dad's condition, I rebooked it for Aug 25th. 5 days, I stayed with him day and night, believing that God sees us and He will make my dad well. No tears when we saw each other. I dried up my tear duct when I was still in Singapore. I made myself busy working. Every report I do from home, every client I speak with, my tears fell so hard but I was able to contain it. I was able to keep up with the pain. That's life, right? We need to take the punches so we can be tougher to take the next one.
The last 5 days of my dad were spent with me holding his hands every now and then. We wake up in the middle of the night everytime he cries because of pain. We pray every night as a family. All my sisters were there.. The 4 of us were there. Laughing and kidding one another. The basic rule is: "No tears". We all needed to be positive so my dad will be too. And so that was the case. His foot was so gigantic but amidst this condition, he tried to walk and exercise to show na "Anak, laban pa ko". The scariest thing that I saw and my entire family saw this- that whenever we pray, the devil tried to inflict so much pain in the middle of prayers. That he tried to break my dad's faith that his prayers were in vain because his God does not listen to him. The devil tried to condemn my father, that because of his non-stop vices of drinking and smoking, God is "punishing" him. I was even told by Mama that when a priest went to conduct the Annointing of the Sick, my dad was so scared because the devil inflicts more pain and he saw them very mad.
My next question was: Is this really what God wants for us? I tried to look for a deaf and mute pastor but found none. Until one day, the day when I brought dad back home, Jay accepted a visitor. A man wearing polo, holding a bible together with his wife. He was telling my dad (in sign language), Jer 29:11 God's plan for us is to prosper us and not to harm us, His plans for us is to give us HOPE and a FUTURE. From there I knew that he was a pastor. I talked to them after praying for my dad. He asked my dad if he accepts God as his Lord and Savior, and I saw that Daddy said "Amen".
Dad, earlier this morning I was inside the cab and I recalled the day when Jay and I brought you to the hospital. Ate Irene was driving her Innova to bring you to Doctors Hospital and we were holding hands. You were cold coz you were scared, but I told you that I will be with you no matter what.. Na laban tayo daddy.. but there I saw that you were so tired and so exhausted.. then I asked myself if I were selfish to keep you from resting with God. That was the most difficult night of my life.. hugging you to say good night and leaving you for a moment to go home and deliver the news that no doctor would want to perform the surgery due to the criticality of your situation..
I brought you home becuase that is where you want to stay. I saw how happy you were, looking at every corner of the house that day. Kidding around with Zc the night we were at your bed side. Jay can't sleep on your last night dad. He wants us to sleep with you but I fear that you may not rest well, so we went back to the room. Because what we want for you is a good quality of life for the remaining days. We asked Dr. Torres, your pain management doctor to drop by and give you morphine. Although it pained us that morphine might make your life shorter, at least it will subside the pain and you won't suffer from it anymore. But as you refused to take any medicines anymore. You went ahead that morning just as when Dr. Torres was scheduled to visit you that afternoon.
I submit to God's plan for you, Dad. 9:45am of Aug 30 when Auntie mar called me in the kitechen and told me that you were struggling to breathe.. that you were fighting for your life. Dad, I saw it. 'di mo ko talaga binigo, kasi alam mo laban ako daddy eh.. You died in my arms daddy.. we were holding hands. Then I saw myself crying again.. But I saw how weak my sisters, Mama, and Papa became. So I contained my tears and instead prayed for you together with them. Dad, remember, your last breaths were when I and Auntie mar told you that you may rest now? Jay told me to let him go since he fought a good fight already. It's time for him to rest and he was struggling to do so since he can see that all of us are not ok. Thus, I have to stop crying and make decision of letting you go. There you were.. at 10:10am daddy.. you went home to God's place.
I miss you daddy.. pero wag mo na ko dadalawin dad ha. :) I can't stop thinking about our last days together. Now, at least, ako na lang.. I can cry when I need to.. I can cry when I want to. Dad, I want to be happy for you kasi you can no longer feel the pain. Pasensha na dad, you know naman na "papaya girl" ako eh. I easily cry talaga. Tanggap ko na daddy, don't worry about me. Minsan nasasad lang ako na you didn't even have the chance to see ung magiging baby namin ni Jay. Dad, when that time comes, kaw ung pumili ng cute and healthy na baby ha. Ung kamukha ni Jay but kasing puti ko and ung dimples, dapat mana sakin ha. :) Dad, I miss you so much.. When I'm scared, all the more that I miss you.. Though I know that you're looking after us from afar daddy and together with God, you won't let anyone or anything hurt us. You may not have expressed your love and kindness in words daddy.. but you were able to be a very good father to all of us. You were able to impart love through your actions. Love does not need to much words pala, it just needs sincerity of heart and purity of intentions and those were what you've taught all of us.
Thank you daddy for bringing the family closer to God and closer to one another.We'll keep the legacy of peace and love because these are what you've always wanted for all of us. We'll be careful and we'll be happy daddy don't worry. Enjoy the time with God and enjoy your new life pain-free daddy.. I will forever miss you.. I will forever love you..
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