Passion and Fashion

My Best Friend's Wedding

2011-09-28T08:04:00.000-07:00

If I am to choose one thing thatwill best describe Alyz, it’ll be a shoe. Well, aside from the fact that sheloves shoes, she’s really fashionable (kaya nga friends kami.. lol), tough(well, I’m talking about tough shoes here mare, made from the skin of Lolong..joke!) and she’s really full of sense kaya you always want her around you..just like the shoes, so utilized and you just can’t live without.

Our friendship all started when Iwent to college. A typical Lasallite who’d strut her sexy b**t whenever shewalks and back then, I was the geek-y type who always goes to the library andgo straight home after school. We sat beside one another during the first dayof class, both in Legal Management course as both of us wanted to be a lawyer..or shall I say both our parents want us to be lawyers. Lol.

Back then, it was a shallowfriendship. It’s just shopping and getting-to-know episodes. Trust and depthstruck our relationship during the summer of ’03. We both were diagnosed ill onthe 2^nd Semester of Year 2 and we both need to stop from school. Aftergetting ourselves well, we wanted to catch up and decided to take summerclasses. Alyz and Tita Pritz were so generous to ask me to stay at their placeso I can study with Alyz. And that was where our super bonding all started.

The friendship went transparentbut solid. She knew me deep within and I did the same way. I am more than booksand Alyz is more than bars. We found a common ground and that is wit, fashion,and books. We are both very independent and loud, very loving but wise, reallyserious but fun, and totally crazy but on track. We were not the perfect peoplein school, nor are we the perfect friends but we were at our best all the timeand because of that we became BEST of FRIENDS.

Things were not easy as we sailedalong the tough coasts of friendship. We had our break-off. But I guess, TRUEfriends will always be friends, no matter what. We missed each other, we pickedup where we left off after 2-3 years of unspoken words towards one another. Andfrom there, we became the OLD WE.. with better clothes, shoes, jobs, and men. :)

I got married first and itshocked her. Knowing that I despised marriage after my terrible break-up with(you know who mare.. J)my ex. But I think, God changed my view of love and life. This I shared withher when she travelled to Singapore. I was privileged to meet Jerome, Alyz’sbf. Alyz had terrible guys before (well, I’m not saying all mare, but you hadthe not-so-good-ones just like me..) and meeting Jerome is one of the encounterthat made me believe that my best friend will soon enter the marriage couture.And so I was right.. This November 22^nd (did I get it right mare?),Alyz is getting married to the man he never thought she would have but hasalways dreamt of having one. And let me get this better, and so Jerome is alsogetting married to the woman that every man has dreamed of. :)

May I have the privilege to bethe first ONE to plug this wedding mare. You just don’t know how happy I am andhow grateful I am to God for giving you someone who will always remind you ofyour real essence in life. We both have dreamed and we both are reaching thesemare. And just as what we have always promised- Rich or Poor, Single orMarried, Young or Old, we will always be the BEST KUMAREZ for life..

Best Wishes toyou my BEST FRIEND and Congratulations for winning the lottery Jerome! May Godbless your marriage everyday and may you always be reminded of God’s lovethrough one another.

I love you mare.. Jay and I loveyou both! Cheers to your upcoming wedding!

What really happened, Dad?

2011-09-17T08:56:00.000-07:00

I was inside the airport, meeting my boss when I received that phone call from my sister. She said "Ate, dad wants to talk to you..bakit daw ang tagal mo pa umuwi?" My dad, having a hard time to express himself said "ann loraine, wait kita umuwi". Those messages broke my heart and inside Changi airport, I broke down and cry..

My dad was diagnosed of Cancer of the Colon early March of 2011. Because he was used to eating spicy food, he ignored the symptoms of excreting blood everytime he goes to the toilet. Auntie mar went with him to Doctors Hospital and Dr. Dave Banayo, the same doctor who handled my case, took some tests and recommended him to be operated by Dr. Cecil of PGH. Due to the urgency of the situation and since my dad was excreting so much blood and was suffering from so much pain, Auntie Mar decided to take a shot and they went to Manila to discuss it with Dr. Cecil. We were unaware that in PGH, you queue up like you were in a fastfood restaurant, regardless of whether the patient is dying or not. They waited there for long hours, with mosquitoes all over them... Because Mommy Hayde and I called Auntie Mar every now and then, we have to make a decision- that instead of going back to San Pablo or going in a hotel, I took the shot to bring him to Chinese Medical Hospital so they can treat the pain.

Dr. Samuel Ang, a very good and reputable doctor handled my dad's case. Dr. Ang is known very well in handling stage 4 Colon Cancer patients as he was really good at that, they said. Thank God that Dr. Ang was given to us to provide his opinion regarding the tests conducted. He saw that there were lymph nodes surrounding the cysts of my dad and he said that those were malignant. He refused to do the surgery and instead, he suggested that my dad undergo radiation and chemotherapy. Because there was no cancer insitute in San Pablo, Dad and Auntie Mar travelled from San Pablo to Binan everyday just to have that cure. Unfortunately, the chemotherapy is unavailable in Binan that time and he needs to take a travel from Binan to Las Pinas every Friday. My dad's health began to deteriorate but we saw that he was still fighting. Laban kasi kami nina Mommy eh, nina Tita Grace, nina Tito Choy. We called for a family meeting to discuss the expenses. Buhay to. We need to make sure that we have enough funds to support the medical procedures for my dad. Yes, it's true it hurts our pockets. It changed the other plans meant for this year. It bursted the budget plan. But who cares? Buhay to and mas dapat to unahin, we said. So instead of stopping the medication, Auntie mar and I decided to check on Mt. Cabrini. Thank God that they do have radiationn and chemotherapy technology ready in Cabrini. Thus, my dad ddidn't need to take an hour-2 hours of travel everyday. He just took 30 minutes to get to Sto Tomas, where mt. Cabrini housed Cancer Institute patioents. Dr. Ang said, he only needed 1 month to bear these activities and afterwards, he would need to rest for another month to make his body ready for the surgery.

My dad despised the surgery. Becuase my dad is deaf and mute, he told me that it was so hard for him when he underwent the operation the last time. The doctors cannot understand him and he cannot respond to what the doctors want him to do. He was traumatized by the anaesthesia experience, it didn't sank in and he was so scared that the same might happen to him. I prayed very hard and believed that chemo and radiation theraphy CAN and WILL shrank the cysts so no operation may be done. But on his 2nd week of resting, we need to rush him back to Chinese Medical because there was no change in the level of pain that my dad felt. It even went worst. Ambulance was provided by Ate Jovie and Butchok so we may bring him back to Manila. Thus, to sum it all up- he suffered from this pain and blood loss from March-August. For 5 months, my dad suffered from the pain but stood by the promise of God- that He has better plans for him.

A total of 7 days of preparation for the surgery.. Blood was taken from Johndel and Noriel and all were ready until we got this 5-minute message from Dr. Ang that "we've reached the end of the line. We can no longer conduct the surgery because the cancer cells were very aggressive. It affected his liver and his pancreas already". That was when I felt the biggest fear ever.

I initially booked my flight on Sept. 1st. But when I got that phone call and did skype with my sisters back home and saw dad's condition, I rebooked it for Aug 25th. 5 days, I stayed with him day and night, believing that God sees us and He will make my dad well. No tears when we saw each other. I dried up my tear duct when I was still in Singapore. I made myself busy working. Every report I do from home, every client I speak with, my tears fell so hard but I was able to contain it. I was able to keep up with the pain. That's life, right? We need to take the punches so we can be tougher to take the next one.

The last 5 days of my dad were spent with me holding his hands every now and then. We wake up in the middle of the night everytime he cries because of pain. We pray every night as a family. All my sisters were there.. The 4 of us were there. Laughing and kidding one another. The basic rule is: "No tears". We all needed to be positive so my dad will be too. And so that was the case. His foot was so gigantic but amidst this condition, he tried to walk and exercise to show na "Anak, laban pa ko". The scariest thing that I saw and my entire family saw this- that whenever we pray, the devil tried to inflict so much pain in the middle of prayers. That he tried to break my dad's faith that his prayers were in vain because his God does not listen to him. The devil tried to condemn my father, that because of his non-stop vices of drinking and smoking, God is "punishing" him. I was even told by Mama that when a priest went to conduct the Annointing of the Sick, my dad was so scared because the devil inflicts more pain and he saw them very mad.

My next question was: Is this really what God wants for us? I tried to look for a deaf and mute pastor but found none. Until one day, the day when I brought dad back home, Jay accepted a visitor. A man wearing polo, holding a bible together with his wife. He was telling my dad (in sign language), Jer 29:11 God's plan for us is to prosper us and not to harm us, His plans for us is to give us HOPE and a FUTURE. From there I knew that he was a pastor. I talked to them after praying for my dad. He asked my dad if he accepts God as his Lord and Savior, and I saw that Daddy said "Amen".

Dad, earlier this morning I was inside the cab and I recalled the day when Jay and I brought you to the hospital. Ate Irene was driving her Innova to bring you to Doctors Hospital and we were holding hands. You were cold coz you were scared, but I told you that I will be with you no matter what.. Na laban tayo daddy.. but there I saw that you were so tired and so exhausted.. then I asked myself if I were selfish to keep you from resting with God. That was the most difficult night of my life.. hugging you to say good night and leaving you for a moment to go home and deliver the news that no doctor would want to perform the surgery due to the criticality of your situation..

I brought you home becuase that is where you want to stay. I saw how happy you were, looking at every corner of the house that day. Kidding around with Zc the night we were at your bed side. Jay can't sleep on your last night dad. He wants us to sleep with you but I fear that you may not rest well, so we went back to the room. Because what we want for you is a good quality of life for the remaining days. We asked Dr. Torres, your pain management doctor to drop by and give you morphine. Although it pained us that morphine might make your life shorter, at least it will subside the pain and you won't suffer from it anymore. But as you refused to take any medicines anymore. You went ahead that morning just as when Dr. Torres was scheduled to visit you that afternoon.

I submit to God's plan for you, Dad. 9:45am of Aug 30 when Auntie mar called me in the kitechen and told me that you were struggling to breathe.. that you were fighting for your life. Dad, I saw it. 'di mo ko talaga binigo, kasi alam mo laban ako daddy eh.. You died in my arms daddy.. we were holding hands. Then I saw myself crying again.. But I saw how weak my sisters, Mama, and Papa became. So I contained my tears and instead prayed for you together with them. Dad, remember, your last breaths were when I and Auntie mar told you that you may rest now? Jay told me to let him go since he fought a good fight already. It's time for him to rest and he was struggling to do so since he can see that all of us are not ok. Thus, I have to stop crying and make decision of letting you go. There you were.. at 10:10am daddy.. you went home to God's place.

I miss you daddy.. pero wag mo na ko dadalawin dad ha. :) I can't stop thinking about our last days together. Now, at least, ako na lang.. I can cry when I need to.. I can cry when I want to. Dad, I want to be happy for you kasi you can no longer feel the pain. Pasensha na dad, you know naman na "papaya girl" ako eh. I easily cry talaga. Tanggap ko na daddy, don't worry about me. Minsan nasasad lang ako na you didn't even have the chance to see ung magiging baby namin ni Jay. Dad, when that time comes, kaw ung pumili ng cute and healthy na baby ha. Ung kamukha ni Jay but kasing puti ko and ung dimples, dapat mana sakin ha. :) Dad, I miss you so much.. When I'm scared, all the more that I miss you.. Though I know that you're looking after us from afar daddy and together with God, you won't let anyone or anything hurt us. You may not have expressed your love and kindness in words daddy.. but you were able to be a very good father to all of us. You were able to impart love through your actions. Love does not need to much words pala, it just needs sincerity of heart and purity of intentions and those were what you've taught all of us.

Thank you daddy for bringing the family closer to God and closer to one another.We'll keep the legacy of peace and love because these are what you've always wanted for all of us. We'll be careful and we'll be happy daddy don't worry. Enjoy the time with God and enjoy your new life pain-free daddy.. I will forever miss you.. I will forever love you..

2010: Change of Presidents: A- must read article

2009-04-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

I know... right? It's been a long time and I miss you all! In my oh-so-super-busy schedule where I can no longer open my YM and other networking-stress relief tools, I found 1 email that really made me stop for a while to read and digest words of wisdom. Honestly, I was moved. I don't know. I have never voted all my legal-aged life. Swear! I never intend to. I'm so busy working but this made me realize one thing: "What if there are 100,000 Filipinos who think like I did? What if this 100,000 Filipinos can make a change? Is this article (below) true enough? We would never know. But one thing that I'm sure of: If we align our intentions to good will, success and integrity, Filipinos can make a change. Feel free to read the article. I highlighted some statements that really struck me. This might move you big time, too. Miss you all!

2010: CHANGE OF PRESIDENTS

OR CHANGE OF HEARTS?

By Detch Nonan-Mercado

The funny thing is, some Filipinos are able to believe that changing presidents is all we need to be given a shot at a better life but truth be told, change in leadership does not guarantee change in the calamitous situation of our nation. A new president does not necessarily equal new national breakthroughs. What guarantees change is change of hearts.

As a nation that has long since wallowed in almost hopeless poverty and seemingly endless misery due to wanton corruption in high and low places, what we need is an overhaul and drastic reengineering of our national values, a change of our collective heart that can only be initiated by a leader whose own values are shaped by a relationship with the Manufacturer of Hearts Himself. Otherwise, we must not expect emancipation from this wretchedness.

No matter how many new presidents we elect into office, change will not come unless one with a renewed heart occupies Malacanang and lead the way towards national transformation. In fact, we don’t need a new president. We need a new heart. But we can only, as a people, begin to entertain thoughts of change, if, as, and when our leaders, especially the one serving as president, blaze the trail. The people will only follow the leaders, as usual.

The long and short of it is – we need a president that has a big heart more than he has a good head. There is no sense having a president that is able to eat economic theories for breakfast but is unable to feel for constituents that daily live the reality of the last four letters of the word “breakfast”.

Unless the heart-motives of a leader are pure, he will have no genuine concern for our people’s deplorable plight. At night before he sleeps, he will not be counting sheep but counting his gains, calculating the time left in his power ride.

Talk about inclinations of the heart. Recently, Senator Manuel Villar took to the floor to denounce allegations his huge real estate business enjoyed some cash injections from the 2008 budget for the C5 road extension project, after Senator Panfilo Lacson reportedly insisted that Villar answer an ethics complaint over the corruption allegations. Both of them held their respective grounds, two senators trying to wisecrack about each other in the hope of elevating their worth in the public’s estimation.

Looking at their verbal duel, a subliminal message is put across: Senator Lacson is merely protective of taxpayers’ money. He just wants to investigate if there is any truth in the alleged “double funding” in the budget for the C5 project because he cares for the interests of the common Filipino. But does he, really? Or does he just want to score on his PR because he himself has to make sure that anti-Lacson issues (remember Bubby Dacer?) will not come back to haunt him and hurt his 2010 aspirations.

Is Senator Lacson truthfully just after securing back the money allegedly lost in corruption in the C5 project for the sake of the Filipino people, or is he just out to discredit Senator Villar, one of the stronger presidentiables in the 2010 elections?

Meanwhile, one real-time frame away, still in Manila: Despite a constitutional ban against re-election for the country’s highest public official, deposed president Joseph Estrada is reportedly planning to run for president again should opposition candidates fail to unite and come up with their 2010 standard-bearer by November.

Looking at his pronouncements, a subliminal message is put across: deposed president Estrada is vigilant about sustaining the opposition, the watchdog that works to keep the administration from committing abuses. Is this Estrada’s true-to-life intention here?

Is deposed president Estrada sincerely keen on keeping the opposition alive so that the administration may think twice before committing an abuse? Or is he just looking for a way in, and later find a way to somehow fix the constitutional ban?

These three politicians, a deposed president and two wannabe-presidents, have separate agenda, but they all want to convey one and the same message: they are supposedly serious in serving the country and they care for the people’s interests. But has anyone asked about the validity or sincerity of their intentions? What about their real motives? What about the status of their hearts?

Motives are but reflections of the condition of the heart, actions the extension of it. If the heart is not right, the motives will not be right, and the actions, too.

As a nation, we don’t need a new president as much as we need a president with a renewed heart trained in righteousness because righteousness lifts up a nation. We need a leader whose heart is a student taking lessons in compassion and justice at the University of Divine Wisdom, with the Holy Spirit as the Teacher, and the Holy Bible as the ultimate textbook.

Some would say this is simplistic, a simpleton’s theory. But is it not that we go back to the manufacturer when our gadgets are broken? In the same way we send back our faulty laptops to their makers for repair, we go back to God for our rehabilitation. The only way to fix a heart defect is to go back to the heart Creator, God.

Now, if our leader is humble enough to realize his nothingness apart from God and he decides to go through this “schooling”, change will start. As his inner man is being reengineered at the University of Divine Wisdom, his heart will become more like Christ’s, and his words and actions will soon reflect his renewed heart. Righteousness will be a common thread in all his dealings.

Consequentially, we, the Filipino people, will notice the difference and enjoy the fruit of our ruler’s righteous governance. Then eventually we will act, talk and be like our leader.

Read: Even lofty officials of the land must humble themselves before God, acknowledge their smallness in the sight of the Awesome Maker of Heavens, Earth and Man, and admit that their hearts need some finishing touches from Him so that they are able to plan with wisdom and implement with love, with both actions remaining in the auspices of righteousness which is the very element that ensures fairness and justice for all constituents.

For this country to rise from tragedy, we don’t need to install a great new president. We have to install a new president with a great heart that has been changed or is willing to be changed by a power higher than him, a president whose heart is incorruptible, compassionate, and desirous to see the good in men, and to do good to men.

We have had different types of presidents in the past; some honorable, some forgettable, but all their good qualifications, if any, and better intentions, did not seem to work. Juan de la Cruz still cannot land and job. His wife still has to go to Singapore or Hong Kong to work as domestic helper. We are still in the same rut we found ourselves in a long time ago.

In other words, in this hour of desperation, we don’t need a new president that has superior skills in law, economics and military strategy but has no skills in showing compassion towards his fellow Filipino. We don’t need a new president that has a bloated resume and a head full of significant leadership know-how, but has an empty heart. We need a new president with a renewed heart ruled by God.

We have tried almost everybody and everything, but we still lost a lot in the process. Foreigners look at us and they shake their heads in disbelief as they ask, “Where did you go wrong, Filipino?”

Obviously, we went wrong in our choices of leaders. Perhaps in 2010 we should try choosing a president whose heart has ALREADY been changed and is ACTIVELY ruled by the Author of Powers and Authorities, God Almighty, so that we can rest assured righteousness, the kind that brings in hope and prosperity, will finally reign supreme in the land!

“Righteousness exalteth a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.” Proverbs 14:34

Iggy Villanueva- A Lasallian needs help

2009-03-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

I was watching TFC, Rated K to be exact. My heart melted when I saw Mrs. Beng Villanueva's interview about his young son named Iggy. Iggy was diagnosed with Accute Myelogeneous Leukemia last January 6, 2009 and from that date he only have 4 months to live if untreated. Jay, my ex-bf-now-hubby, and I went to google to read Mrs. Villanueva's email right away. We were really moved.. as a Christian.. and as for me- as a Lasallian and as a woman who desires to be a mother... prayerful of having a son soon.. is writing and hoping that God may touch the reader's heart to share for a brother who's in need of God's blessings.. The Sacrament of giving doesn't pertain to the amount but to the joy of one's heart, who freely allow God to move and bless other people through their lives and resources. Please read it with me one more time..

20 January 2009

OUR DEAREST FRIENDS…

I am so embarrassed to do this yet, I am humbling myself to ask,please read on..

January 6, 2009 was the worst day of my family’s life,our eldest son, IAN GABRIEL PICART VILLANUEVA, was initially diagnosed to have ACUTE MYELOGENEOUS LEUKEMIA. It is already the 20th of January, and after a 2nd and even a 3rd opinion from different doctors, the diagnosis, sadly is still the same: ACUTE MYELOGENEOUS LEUKEMIA. To aggravate things even, he even has pneumonia. Thus, chemotherapy cannot start just yet. Untreated, he just has 4 months to live…

Treatment plan for Iggy includes at least 3 rounds of chemotherapy and bone marrow transplant! To date, we have already moved from 3 hospitals. Currently we are at National Kidney & Transplant Institute to save on cost.

Though we may belong to a middle income family, the medical expenses that have and are to be incurred is so staggering! The amount needed is about 5 Million.Thinking of how many zeroes the figure has makes me want to give up…But I know I wont and I cant! I will do anything or everything to save my son to the best that I could. Sad but true, I have nothing. Whatever is left of our meager savings has all been used up. Time is essential. The bone marrow transplant will be performed 2-3 weeks from now, and I need funds to deposit before any treatment can be done.

I am literally alone. It’s just Iggy & myself in the hospital. Friends & relatives come to visit but I cannot compel them to do more. I am a one woman army. Thank God that I have the laptop and my mind as a weapon.

Iggy, is a well rounded individual who I can say is an achiever. From grade school to college he is very athletic: red belter in taekwondo, track & field and basketball. An honor student from pre-school to college, a leader in his own ways.

As a mother, it breaks my heart that such potential should go into waste. He is so young. IT IS MY MOST FERVENT PRAYER THAT YOU BECOME PART OF THE CYCLE OF HEALING. IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. I HOPE I AM NOT ASKING TOO MUCH. HUMBLY I AM ASKING ANY HELP THAT YOU CAN EXTEND MY FAMILY. WHATEVER MEANS WOULD BE MOST WELCOME. I may not be able to repay your kindness and generosity in this lifetime, but I am confident that God knows.

I am realistic enough to understand how difficult life is today. I am not asking for total dole-out. If at all, any of you are willing to loan me. I would forever be grateful. I promise to pay, although little by little, with interest even. Please,This is already a desperate cry for help, I just cant imagine what is to be.

May I also request continued PRAYERS THAT IGGY NOT GIVE UP, HOLD ON AND BE STEADFAST IN HIS WILL TO LIVE. Likewise, prayers THANKING FATHER GOD FOR THE HEALING.

Thank you very much for taking time out to read this letter. I know in my heart that you will be able to help me and my family one way or the other. May the Good Lord always bless you and your loved ones.

Respectfully,

VIVIEN ‘BENG’ VILLANUEVA

Mother

09176201969

ACCOUNT NAME: Vivien Villanueva

BDO s/a: 3010063053

(Bacolod Capitol Shopping Branch)

SECURITYBANK c/a: 0242517530001

(Bacolod Rizal Branch)

you can email the amount and day/time deposited so we can issue a receipt of donation through vivien_villanueva@yahoo.com or zyon.aquino@gmail.com .

We also pick up donations: just text 09155364544 your name, address,venue and time. (http://thedaythatidie.wordpress.com/2009/02/01/a-mom-so-sweet-iggy-villanuevas/)

Just thinking of the amount, 5 million pesos to survive, will drown every believer's faith. For someone who draws strength from human beings more than God's, will surely give up and will just spend the rest of the days thinking that her son will die soon. Not for Mrs. Villanueva. She strongly believe that God will make a way to heal her son. She believes that Iggy is meant to live. I admire her strength as a woman.. as a mother..as a believer.

To Mrs. Villanueva, I want you to know that Singapore will be praying for your son- I will do my very best to help you. I know that it is not the amount that counts but the sincerity in a giver's heart. I believe that the Lord loves a cheerful giver. He is our provider. He is the only one who can heal your son. It is a test of faith and loyalty. God will always be faithful to us- just continue believing and never shed any light of doubt.

To my fellow bloggers- I do not know what went to my head to write this. I was absent for a long time, I know-- forgive me for I'm still adjusting to my roles as an employee and as a wife now.. This makes sense to me.. I mean, I want to be a part of the blessing to give. Giving is a privilege- you give because God gave you something to share.

Deuteronomy 15:10- Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.

Deuteronomy 15:14- Supply him liberally from your flock, your threshing floor and your winepress. Give to him as the LORD your God has blessed you.

'Till the next bloggin'! Miss all of you guys!

Why TRG? Why not!

2009-02-07T02:07:00.000-08:00

It all started with this message...

hi loran, i am very much amazed and touched by your blogs!! very well said..while im reading those blogs, i cant help figure out where the hell did those come from..you really have a big mind and a big heart..i miss your words, kindness,etc..no wonder u are successful at your age..u will be surprise to know that they are really interested in reading all your blogs..janet olasiman started it and all of a sudden, evrybody's ended up reading it as well..so inspiring..

ms. lorraine, miss n kita, sobra!! take care always and congratulations po pla!!!

all the best...

donna

My TRG family had always been dear to my heart. Would you believe if I say that I just stayed there for less than 6 months but my experiences with TRG had been one of the best moments in my life. A week has never passed without me sharing some funny things about my life back there. I'm sure Jay's ears have already bled by now. It was a good timing that I am thinking of what to share with you guys. When I checked on my friendster account, this was what I saw. It inspired me more to write.

Memories with Mykee, Ronald, Donna, Kit, Jasper, Mike Lati, Rusty, Khalid, Ken, Tyler, Diko, Richard, Jeff (pertaining to all Jeffs), the girls in my A-bay.. Roy, everyone.. really, colored my days every 12am, 11 months ago. My Team Managers before were just bunch of kids. I can't forget the first day I stepped in. I can feel everyone looking at me.. some are excited to work with me. Most of them are intimidated with me. Some would rather keep quiet while I'm around, while there were also some who would dare to talk to me.

Mike, Bong, Ronald and SG talked to me because of their promotion.. Oh yes, it was just my second day then. I was putting on my make up when they surprised me in my office. They expressed their desires of being a Team Manager and they based some of their explanations on seniority, which I truly disapprove.

I was happy that they desire to share what they know. Because most agents would like to be promoted just to get off the phones. Yet, technically- the more you get promoted, the better you should be when a call comes in. A leader should always sharpen the saw. I remembered mentioning this to them- “Your leaders would know a perfect time for its employees, if the leader trained and spent time to know the etiquettes of your work.” Leaders are so synanimous with parents. When I was 14 and I asked my mom for a car, she told me to wait until I reached 18 so I can be trained in road and traffic academy and for me to have a valid license. Promotion is a blessing, isn't it. But He won't give us a blessing that will break us. If I insist in having a car by 14 and drove out of Manila, wouldn't it be illegal and wouldn't I be penalized for that? Similarly, if you insist of becoming a supervisor thinking that you were already ready, wouldn't you lose focus and prioritization on how to hone your agents without compromising your administrative functions (reports, emails, QA, meetings, etc.)? Sometimes, we need to wait a little while and enjoy the fun of waiting to be able to treasure the blessing truly meant for you in the right time. Don't dream of promotion with an expecting heart of comfortability and ease. Strive for promotion with a strong determination to contribute and excel. Going back.. so they got the promotion.

Donna, I personally chose her to be part of my division. I heard that she was afraid of me and she doesn't want me. Her frist day with me was meaningful. I brought her to Starbucks and talked to her. “You don't like me,do you?”, that was my first question. She said that it was not what she meant, she was intimidated but she knows that she'll learn a lot from me. I love working with people who are not yet able but willing. Those people was best exemplified by Donna, Rein, and Jasper.

Sometimes, the best people has an attitude of un-learning the old-fashioned strategies. I'd rather work with people who are creative than intelligent. Intelligence sometimes is being quantified by the capacity to absorb facts. But facts are already owned by someone else. You can no longer brand it "my idea". That is why it has always been my habit to share what I know. Hoarding your knowledge is making you live off to your reserves (as per Paul Arden of It's not how good you are but how good you want to be). The good thing about sharing what you know is that you're able to find new things to contribute after doing so. Meaning, you find ways and means to know more.. to learn.. to share.

I love hearing news from my babies back in TRG. I know that in one way or another, may they've hated me or loved me, may they've talked to me in English or in Tagalog, may I've crticized them or praised them- They learned from me- may it not be so much, but I'm sure there were..

Q & A of my SG wedding

2009-01-31T07:43:00.000-08:00

My friends had sent me messages in FB, FS, in my 2 blogs, asking me various questions as they were so surprised when I finally said “yes” to getting married. Here are some:

What's with the rush?

It was not really a rush. We planned this, November 2008. There are a lot of times that I almost backed out since I felt that marriage can block all my dreams for myself and that I might ended up being someone else's wife instead of taking care of my own life. Jay has been very supportive and so am I with him. I guess, we've already passed that insecurity stage. We're now better off to see each other as partners- may it be in business or in cuddling future kids.

Are you pregnant?

I am not pregnant, yet. We are planning to have kids, hopefully when I reach 28; better yet, in HIS perfect time. Having a baby is what every woman should desire. I have always denied that fact for a lot of years. I have never seen myself writing all these when I was 23, but I guess, when you know you're with someone God-given and God blessed then every thing is so worthwhile. Getting into a married life isn't obligatory.. it shouldn't be. Being married is a legal and spiritual responsibility. Yet, directing yourself to the path of obligations can make one a good provider..not a good partner. A good partner requires sensitivity to one another's feelings and moods. It also requires love and respect.

Are you really happy?

Of course I am.. I am very happy. After all, we're heading towards getting married and spending forever with one another, why take sacrifices in waiting instead of taking the pains that marriage trials can offer..together? I'm not saying that couples should splurge in the marriage pool right away.. what I'm saying is-- if you know what you want and you've already validated the feelings- mad or sad, happy or cranky, then I guess, diving into that decision will really give you the best picture of happiness and contentment.

What made you said “Yes”?

He has always been so persistent to open up his wedding desires with me ever since we've been going out on a date last 2007. Yeah, it was so funny. We've just been going out for 4 months and he wanted to marry me na. OA di ba?! He's 3 years older than me, so I guess, with all his worldly experiences he already knew what he really wants forever. As for me, my relationship with him is not my best.. I can say, our fights were the worst. But you know what, love can be tested pala when you've seen one another at the worst outfits, faces, and attitudes and even if you'd like to kill one another, you ended up kissing and making up. That even if everything gets worst.. in the middle of a fight.. you can still laugh when someone farts (ewww..). Then in every slam of the doors, in every tear we shed, in every time I cried my heart out, I find my definition of LOVE with him- selfless, passionate, sacrifice, adjustment, understanding, respect.

What's with him?

Jay's the type of guy who'll give you what he ever wanted, who'll sacrifice outside the tent for me to sleep comfortably, who'll wake up in the middle of the night to check if my blanket's fine, who'll cook for me every morning while I'm doing my make up. He's also the type of guy, who'll make me learn sports and cooking- 2 things I hate doing several years back. He's the type of guy, who'll shut up when I'm mad, who'll hug me when I'm cranky, who'll listen to me when everyone wants to sleep na, who's interested even in the little details of my life. He's my comfort, my strength, my hubby.

What has changed?

I become unbelievably happier. I began to be more loving..more show-y with my emotions, more understanding and sweet, I believe. I became more caring with myself and with him. I dress up sexier and more gorgeous. I take care of my health and my food intake. This is no longer for me anymore.. this chapter's about us. I have to be healthy for our future family. I have to be pretty since I represent myself as his wife now. Everything, I happily do for him.. for myself.. for our future family.

I dream a dream

2009-01-25T00:50:00.000-08:00

In my hollow sleep, I dreamt of wearing white.. a backless dress as white as snow, with my hair fixed and my face completely- Estee Lauder colored.

There was also a pair of silver shoes complementing the white dress's diamond-brooch. I saw rings.. 2 rings 18k and 5g yellow and white gold combination.. those were really fantastic and shockingly expensive.

I also saw a suit worn by my a man. His face was blurd, but I noticed that he was wearing a purple tie.

On the other side of the bed, I saw a cute bouquet of flowers, beautifully arranged..all in accordance with my favorite colors (pink and purple). I also saw my Louis Vuitton on top of our TV table, with all my make up inside it.

I also dreamt of Tita Detch and Tito Ferdy. Oh! Tito Ferdy was on leave, I guess. ROM was the venue, a Christian lady led the ceremony. After her declaration, I heard her say “God bless you”. I was surprised. I thought she was a buddhist, as most Chinese are. I dreamt of myself putting a ring on his and him putting another 10cm ring on mine.

I saw how happy we were. I saw how satisfied and blessed my face was.

I saw a Thai resto, with a long table filled with food we love to eat. Pastor Henry was there. I saw Jonathan taking our pix, too. Ate Donna was laughing with me. Came night time. I saw Kat, Katrina, Marlina, and Simon. I saw the man's friends and my church mates. They splured a party for us. They cooked Filipino dishes. The hall was amazing. It was classy. I saw myself crying, thereafter. My heart filled with joy and overwhelming blessings. I saw the man thanking everyone for their time and efforts. Then, I saw myself crying and declaring how thankful I am and how I felt God's love through the lives of the people in front me that time.

Gifts were amazing! I was so speechless. I dreamt of going home really tired.. I also dreamt of wanting to write everything in this blog, but I was so restless that I fell asleep even in my dream.

When I woke up..morning of January 21, 2009, I saw myself.. wearing the ring and I saw the other side of the bed with a purple tie on it. Jay greeted me that morning... he said.. “Good morning, Mrs. Gonzales”.

Belated Happy 69th Birthday ex-Gov. Leviste

2009-01-17T07:27:00.000-08:00

It really broke my heart when I saw the news that he celebrated his 69^th birthday in Makati City Jail. Just thinking about Papa.. imagining his face inside a cell's really killing me. I believe that justice needs to be served and I would also want to believe that after 2 years of scrutiny the result was already authenticated. Some reasons why I find this case so desolating and down-hearted:

That they were good friends and that their families were, too.
Leviste was a good guy until the homicide happened.
He's too old to be imprisoned.
I believed that it was a burst of emotion and the incident was not planned.
That, I also believe that it was an accident.
That, may it be whatever, someone needs to be accountable to his actions and responses.

Delas Alas' daughter was interviewed right after Leviste was convicted. She said that they can't totally celebrate because they were also thinking about Leviste's family and that she looked up to the ex-governor as her second dad. I admired her mentality..really. For someone who lost her father in a monstrous incident and she was able to look at the outcome that way is truly admirable.

I was asking myself while watching, “If she really felt that way, then why did she still persue the case?" Then my logic dictated, “Of course, she's the daughter of her father who was shot five times; whereas one shot was more than enough to immobilize a 67-year old man.” She needs to continue the fight for his father's death situation. She needed justice to prevail for her father's name which was also defamed when the story of self-defense for 1-million mistress maintenance was brought up during the cross examination.

A spectator thiking outloud: “If it was Leviste who got killed `by delas Alas, would his kids react the same way as Dinna Sanchez (daughter of Rafael delas Alas) did? Would they allow the murder case to be homicide, too? Would the court allow the same to happen?”

I was really affected. I have a soft spot for old people. Though, I would all the more hate the justice system in the Philippines if it wasn't given to the delas Alas family. I also feel for the Leviste family. His kids were really so much affected, I know. Just imagine, even how straight you've wanted to become: Seeing your 69-year old father, to whom you really looked up so much..spending the rest of his remaining years in the prison instead of enjoying the goodness of gracious retirement and righteous life.. Can you still say that justice be given to worthy? Can you still say that if your father really killed someone, he be placed in jail? Can you still say that he deserved to be there?

I'll just pray that ex-governor Leviste be pardoned by the highest court where he'll soon be at. I pray that he gets comfort and that he may still feel that God loves him regardless of what happened and what he has done. I pray that delas Alas family may find forgiveness in their hearts. I pray that we all be open-minded about situations like this.

So ayun na nga...

2009-01-16T08:49:00.000-08:00

Yeah.. I'm back! Wheew.. I was like entrapped inside a bottle with the strictest genie ever.. Better yet, comparable to a little girl who was asked by mom to sit in one corner and to never leave yet. OMG! It was a toxic week but I love it. Know what, the most tiring thing to do pala is to put pressure on yourself than your boss putting pressure on you. Really.. it stressed the hell out of me. When you're new kasi you tend to show them that it was the most right decision- that they've hired you.. I have to admit I feel so tired at the end of each day this week, but I feel so relieved. Ironic, right? I mean, I was able to figure out how to untie the loops in my new job.

Enough of the job.. Just miss bloggin'! Well, sorry.. can't stop talaga! I brought home some assignments. I assigned myself to do reveiews and strategic business portfolio this weekend so as to get geared up for next week. Really..enough na swear!

Mommy (she's my dad's sister- I usually call her ninang mommy) called me the other day nga pala. She was crying.. she misses us.. she misses my newphew, PJ. She's currently in Paris and she perceived snow to be boredom and lonesome. That was actually the first time I heard her whine.. the first time I heard her cry. She's a very strong woman. She's my idol talaga since she had a fast-tracked career. Living abroad naman talaga is not easy. We just need to find our purpose, because searching for God's reason would give us a better direction to get closer to Him. If you feel comfortable in where you are right now, just stay and find a better niche at home. Just be a curious kid finding a better position to sleep in a small nipa hut with 12 siblings. Find your competitive advantage, instead of finding a country to dump your luggage. It doesn't mean that you didn't take risks or you didn't get out of your comfort zone. In the first place, you don't need to gamble or to find uneasy zone in this kind of game if you feel stability and satisfaction. After all, what greatly matters is where you find peace and happiness. The place where your heart is, is the place where you'll survive. I find my heart beating loudly everyday.. and in tracing its sound.. its echo transmits my entirety back to where his heart shouts my name. :) I hope you've followed the echo of your heart, too..

Ti'' the next bloggin'!

Why Guys like Girls..

2009-01-10T08:40:00.000-08:00

I saw this article in one of my friend's facebook and I really fell in love with how this guy sees little and specific details about girls. Heart-warming as it is, better check this out!

1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo

2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder

3. How cute they look when they sleep

4. The ease in which they fit into our arms

5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world

6. How cute they are when they eat

7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while

8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside

9. The way they look good no matter what they wear

10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth

11. How cute they are when they argue

12. The way her hand always finds yours

13. The way they smile

14. The way you feel when you see their name on the caller ID after you just had a big fight

15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....

16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them

17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you"

18. Actually ...just the way they kiss you...

19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry

20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something silly

21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt

22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)!

23. The way they say "I miss you"

24. The way you miss them

25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore..... Yet regardless if you love them,hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not.Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you.

When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.

Taken from http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=60043282272&ref=nf

As we're described as fishing for compliments, I did my own and caught big ones! (hehehe) I talked to him and ask him what he likes about me, he said:

The way she giggles on a new found dress, shoe or bag.

(yeah.. so me!)

The look in her face whenever she sees her man wearing a good pair of outfit.

(i like to see him well-dressed)

The way she finds a good angle whenever she takes her photo.

(I would say all girls have this talent)

The way she slaps my face whenever I didn't intentionally look at sexy girls.

(he lies when he denied it, I swear!)

The way she calls me like a mom with her long Pssssssttttttttttt.... and I came to her like a dirty young boy. (hahahaha.. my mom usually does this. Sorry..hereditary!)

The ways she does blogging and when I ask her to cook, she'll get mad and ask me to stop calling her since she's doing something important. (addicted to blogging..lol)

Astray

2009-01-09T00:13:00.000-08:00

A young girl strayed from home. With all her things packed up she came running towards a young man. He was waiting under the bamboo tree..nervous.. agitated.. He's thinking of tomorrow, he's jealous of yesterday...he's worrying about today. They left the world of complexity.. until it turned out to be simplicity.. duality..familiarity.. disparity..difficulty! They almost lost humility, esteem, respect.. almost lost love.

After a couple of years: “Will you marry me?”, the guy uttered. Silently the wind blows.. The girl got drowned.. she was drowned into tears that she can no longer breathe to speak up. What happened?

She recalled the memories of their breaking dawn. They were happy together. They were friends to one another. As they get closer day by day, differences splurged overwhelmingly. Shocked. Cold. They fight..everyday.. they condemned one another. They speak of no respect to each other. They lost themselves to see who wins and who loses. They doomed their relationship to check on who surrenders first.

“Will love exist without respect?”, she asked herself. Yes it'll because love can stand alone. But, “Can a relationship last forever without respect?”, she re-thought. No, it won't because respect must be shown for humans to live harmoniously in love.

She doesn't mean to offend the young man. She still doesn't want to be committed forever because she feels that both of them should get riped. Both of them should build branches together. Both of them should only anchor to HIM and to one another.

“Can't these be done after marriage? Can't a fruit be ripe after you take it out from its branch?”, he asked.

“Yes, a fruit can be riped after you take it out from its branch. Yet, wouldn't it be more delicious to let the fruit undergo its natural process of ripening? Couldn't we be more prepared as we wait for the fruit to take its natural course before picking it out from its branch? Couldn't we do more as we splurge into the fun of waiting?”, she responded.

“Can't you think of love at its best, instead of considering the relationship at its worst?”, he asked.

“Loving you is the best feeling I had ever encountered in my entire life. That I thought my love can be more than what you can bear to battle with yourself and your weaknesses. That I thought my love can be the ultimate reason for you to seek and demonstrate the best of yourself. That I thought your love can be the best source of my strength. That I thought your love can make me reign the world... Everything I thought turned into doom when we roar like lions.. when we took off one another's esteem.” , she responded..weeping.

Dear, let's get ourselves back in the game we call our own. Let's give back what we've lost when we stole pride, glory and respect from one another. Let's find time to think of forever as we begin to 'till the soil of tomorrow. Let's spend moments together as we know the brand-new us, better. Let's together dig deeper understanding. Let's together find the river of wisdom. Let's together cultivate abundance and prosperity. Let's together find a better position for one another.. not through marriage.. but through RESPECT. - A letter... when she decided to leave and drift..alone..for the mean time...

Label or Love?

2009-01-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

pix taken from: www.stevekaufmanart.com

I miss working. Well, for me work means 16 hours..lol..that's what I was used to. I recalled some pictures of my weekends where I was just in my condo, doing movie-marathon (remember the 12-1 thing in Makati Cinema square..tsk..tsk.. illegal..), with my laptop in front of me.. typing while watching..conceptualizing while laughing.. I mean, I never find it stressful. I really even enjoyed it! Well, I need to compensate for TRG's generosity (right Mykee?).

As I am preparing for work again, I have been reading articles about business and economy so as to prepare myself in facing the head honchos again. I suddenly felt sad. I recalled my days when I was back in the Philippines. I never spent that much time talking to Jay over the phone when we were apart. I was too busy working. Everytime he calls me, I was inside the meeting room or I'm presenting something in front of the team leaders. There were even times that he just hang on while I'm talking and was just so proud of me every after the meeting. Sometimes, he would just listen on how I do my debates or how I implement policies and would sleep with me talking about a job that's not even his! For him, just by listening to my voice, he already felt at home..Ahhh...(melting).. He has been ever supportive all along.

So when I flew out for Singapore, I decided to spend more time with him. I have studied how to cook, how to prepare his clothes and things, how to fix the bed and all that household stuffs. I mean, I really would like him to feel being taken cared of. He lost a lot of weight kasi when he was alone eh. So I'd like him to gain and build muscles, ordered some meds from Belo and shopped trendy-professional outfits for him. Bumawi ako, in short! Now, he looks better and he looks happy (swerte ni pogi ah!).

This job is something that I have prayed for. This is what I want to be..where I see myself to be at. When they said I might have frequent travel accross Asia, I was like “OMG, 'pano nanaman si Jay nito!”. 'Di ba it was like I have a baby na. Well, that's what he feels too eh, whenever he gets to work and I stay at home. He calls me everyday to check if I ate na. I know naman na he's happy because it's a big break.. it's my career back and more.. but he would sometimes kid and say, “Pano na 'ko magssleep when you're out of the country?” Ahhh... Baduy noh.. 1 year and 6 months na kaya kami.. Yet, I believe naman na we're already grown-ups and we also need to support one another's triumphs.

Now, I'm a bit torn between Label or Love. What is really more important to me? To have a label for my own identity.. a label of position and hierarchy..a label of levelled executive.. a label of worldly success? Or Love.. Hmmm...

What can be a better reason to start '09? Why invest in call centers?

2009-01-07T01:52:00.000-08:00

Remember when I mentioned about a shift in my career? There were tiny-funny things about that.

JUNE 2008: From being an Ops Manager in a call center back in the Philippines, I became an events organizer here in Singapore. From handling 150-200 people, I accepted a singular position. Though, pride took it the hard way on my first 3 months, I was able to look at the bright side of not being able to work longer hours and not being able to think of what lies ahead of more than 200 people. In short, I was able to enjoy an almost stress free job.

NOVEMBER 2008: Things didn't go well during the last part. Companies shut down due to the drastic and terrible effects of recession. I had no luxury of time to wait until it picks up so I resigned and scouted for a new job.

DECEMBER 2008: It was a holiday season and close to ending the year. Technically, 80% of the companies weren't keen on hiring. So, I just took baby steps thru on-line applications. I received a lot of calls and interviews. Some from the events organizing companies, too. Mostly, general managerial positions. Acceptance and rejection will vary in the prices they offer. I guess when you know you're worth, in one way or another, you'd like companies to know that you're firm in asking for their commitment to compensate you better. I find no wrong in bargaining for the right price if you know how you can further contribute to the growth and development of the company. Others advised me to accept whatever since it's recession world-wide. I stand firm to my faith that God will hide me under His haven and that He'll give me what my heart desires. I don't play greedy when I ask for a price I once had, I believed.

JANUARY 2009: I received a ring from a call center here in Singapore, one morning. I would have to be transparent that I didn't know that this company went global already. I mean, I wasn't aware that call centers here exist, either. Sad to say but customer service here is so poor. Aside from product knowledge problem, communication barrier is another issue. For me, Filipinos still provide the best customer service! Interviews went well and the position that was open was for that of a Team Leader. I somehow thought of taking it. After all, I became a TL before I was promoted as a Shift Manager.

YESTERDAY '09: I was offered a position. It was more than what I expected. Honestly, I was so shocked! It was a big role; more than an Ops Man position. My mind just floated when I heard them saying “you have to travel extensively as you need to go regional”, “you'll be trained by the CEO”, “you have to make companies understand the importance of having call centers through us”, etc. Business Development Manager, it is! I thank God for the blessing! I recalled praying for a job that will best-exemplify my skills. I also desired in having a career shift. The job's something new to me, although the industry has already been my home. God's grace is indeed over-whelming! I feel a bit pressured, yet I know that God's blessings aren't meant to break me..us! It's always for our betterment as His children. This is a new phase that I have to take. A new challenge I have to face. God has been with me all throughout my battles. I know that He won't leave me.. all the more this time.

The funny things: FIRST: I asked for a shift in my career. God gave me a shift- from Events Organizing back to call center (where I worked for almot 4 years)! SECOND: I asked for a job where God knows I'll be good at: He gave me back to the call center industry because that's where I was good at. Life's a comedy.. more reasons to smile! All for HIS greater glory!

Anyway, I would need your assistance, friends. Why do you think would businesses invest on call centers? Why do US companies outsource their call centers? I already have some ideas but I would need more.. Feel free to let me know yours.. Thanks! :)

Mr. Dream Boy

2009-01-06T20:07:00.001-08:00

I was watching a replay of The Buzz in TFC one weekday morning when I caught Boy Abunda's interview with Angel Locsin. They were in that part where Angel's talking about his dad. She said that she can talk to him about everything under the sun.

Silently focused: “Didn't I have the chance to do the same with my father?”

He's an ex-military officer, a prudent lawyer, a perfectionist, a man of strong words and accomplished missions, a charismatic boss, an award-winning public speaker, a tough debater, an Atenean, a faithful husband, a disciplinarian, a generous friend, a strict father, a loving grandfather, a man of faith, logic and wisdom, the man I truly looked up to..my dream boy.. my Papa.

Papa's a father to four (4) children- Mommy Heidz, Auntie Mar, my dad, and Tita Grace. Because I grew up with them and my dad's only 18 when I was born, I was considered their 5^th. Everyone tells me that my accomplishments are the same as his. Eversince, I was considered as Papa's little-girly version. When he gets mad, he barely scolds me. He ASKS me. Later would I know that he has already went circles to circles to obtain the truth that I, myself had told him unknowingly. That made him a good lawyer and that made me speak of the truth most of the time. :)

He wasn't fed of a silver spoon when he was growing up. At an early age, he has even helped his grandparents by becoming a farmer. He got interested in writing articles and that brought him to a scholarship in the University of Manila where he took-up his pre-law. Writing became his passion and had been a part of the Manila Bulletin which has also paved way to a sholarship in Ateneo de Manila University where he took up the Law proper. During that time, he was studying and earning a living for his family. He was even engaged in doing public service. Everything went well because of his hard work, his faith and his courage. All of his kids are professionals with higher honours. Two of them graduated Cum Laude. He's a great disciplinarian. He would want things done quickly at its best. He always tells us that our great competitor is none other than ourselves. He even mentioned that the first stage of wanting success is knowing who you are-what you can do and what you cannot. “Capitalize on your strengths and work on your weaknesses.”

I grew up with the highest expectations amongst all his children. I am the first-born grandchild of theirs and I was perceived to be as tough as him. My tears signify weakness for Papa. That I can't go to a law school if I keep on crying about little things. He trained me to become a well-rounded-multi-tasking person. He challenged me, insulted me, praised me, and directed me to become who I am now.

I have been boldly talking to him. Imagine how strict he was and he's open to listening to teenybopper stories about love, pain, jealousy, anger, and even intimacy! I remember a scene like this:

Eating dinner.. for two.. Tagaytay Highlands

Pap: Anlo...hmmm.. I hope you don't get me wrong.. How would I say it? Hmm...

Anlo: (wondering)

Pap: Boys would always make you feel wanted for them to get what they want. I am not telling you that being intimate is wrong. If you do s**, especially without protection that's wrong and no one is to be blamed but you. But when you make love, no one is to be responsible but yourself. These are 2 different things-being blamed and being responsible. I hope I am getting myself clear. Ain't I?

Anlo: Yup. Crystal clear! (close to Laughing.Out.Loud)

(Duh! It's so weird! Papa, talking to me about s** when I was 18? Eeewww.. What a shame!?)

He felt responsible for letting me know how guys think. I hate to imagine that he had been that way before but I'd like to believe that he learned so much from his past experiences. What I like about Papa- He knows what to say and when to say it. He's got the exact words to say when everyone runs out of expressions. He knows how to handle various circumstances at a level of a proactive individual. He makes logical, unquestionable, and irrevocable decisions that's really beneficial to all concerned parties.

I have higher standards because Papa showed me that dream boys are real. He made me understood that as everything happens for a reason, we still have to make the best conclusions. He reminded me that I am still living with varied choices. He prayed that I may have the best!

I just hope he believes that I did the right-best choice.. :)

"Confessions of a Shopaholic" 2009

2009-01-06T16:47:00.000-08:00

This is one hell of a movie that I have been waiting for. Based on the novels of Sophie Kinsella: “Confessions of a Shopaholic” and “Shopaholic Takes Manhattan”. This is indeed a big break for Isla Fisher (”Wedding Crashers”, “Definitely Maybe”, etc.) who’ll play the role of Rebecca Bloomwood, a 25-year old girl who has an addiciton to shopping even if her crappy job doesn’t pay too well… Enough.. I don’t want to spill and spoil too much.. Directed by PJ Hogan (director of “My Best Friend’s Wedding”)– I hope that it won’t be like 27 dresses. I was a bit disappointed since it was levelled to my ever-favorite “Devil Wears Prada” and sad to say, it didn’t even take half of the applauses! The movie, according to news, will be released in the US by February 13, 2009.

So dying to splurge into another mushy cinematography. Mykee, you have to send me a DVD better yet a blue-ray disc! :)

Comment on AC's blog

2009-01-05T01:32:00.000-08:00

I checked on AC’s blog (http://awefullworld.com) and I was a bit struck when she talked about Love and what she thought of it. I checked on the other comments and those were all sensible. I just have a habit of usually taking deeper reseach about the emotions of people. I like studying how love, jelousy, and anger take place. I already did my homework long time ago as I was curious on how to get over pain. Well, just to share my comment:

“Hi AC! Super natawa naman ako sa “What is love” mo.. hahaha..Anyhow, I’ve been so enggaged in a lot of problems about love found and love lost lately. It was so funny nga kc i can’t call myself an expert, but I would say that I’m experienced. I’ve learned how to hurtand how to get hurt. I’ve learned how to fall in love and how to fall out. Before, I thought, love is super magical-like “Why did I fall for him, he’s not cute naman?”-love kasi is magic.. Nah! Not now. I’ve learned to fall for someone not really my type when I put my 100% attention to him and have observed who he is or how he’s like. I found out that my priority na pala is someone who’s responsible ‘coz I get tired na with guys who play drag racing or dota all his life. I mean, I need someone who knows when to stop and when to re-start. Then there I began liking him na. Eventually as we talk deeper and we shared interests, I began to fall. I realized some things: You can choose who you want to love.

Love is still scientific just as the rest of the emotions are. It begins with Lust (brutal term for the initial scientific stage of love thru the release of male and female hormones), then Attraction (through the 3 neuro-transmitter 1.Adrenaline-usual symptoms can be seen when stressed, 2.Dopamine-rush of pleasure similar to taking cocaine, 3. Serotonin-affects mood, emotions, sleep apetite), then Attachment (through hormones such as:Oxytocin-orgasm and Vasopressin-anti-diuretic hormone.

Interesting indeed! As it is scientific, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be manipulated, if drugs can make chemical reactions to affect brain and heart beat, then love can also take a logical disposition of when to stop falling and when to stop hurting. I hope this makes sense, girl.:)”

Please check (http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm), as it was one of my sources.

Moving On, Moving Up

2009-01-04T22:24:00.000-08:00

Sunday's one of our favorite days of the week. We got to attend the mass and fellowship with the rest of our church mates. Christian service has affected a lot of aspects in our lives. Aside from profounding our knowledge of HIM, it also established our faith and has provided us greater wisdom to live a peaceful life.

TOPIC: “How to live a victorious life for 2009?”

Answer: Moving On and Moving Up

Leave the Dark Past Behind and Never Look Back

Last year may be remarkable to some, but worth forgetful for the rest. Trials and desperations might've clouded 2008. I would say mine was. My friend got murdered February 2008. I had to give up my job and leave Philippines to overcome the trauma. It wasn't easy living abroad. I was not able to cope up immediately. Self-esteem, confidence and patience will be tested.. Those were challenged for the entire 2008. Career, relationship and faith were all affected. Nonetheless, I still feel blessed after all. I was asked to go through all these trials to make me a better person. Some people get so sensitive whenever we talk about the past. They might've been through tough-shameful experiences and they wouldn't want to go through the details or even the topic, itself. Thus, move on and leave the past behind. Never look back to the sins you've committed. If you know that you've already admitted and had already asked for God's forgiveness, you are deserving to be called righteous. 2008 might've been a year of learning. Face 2009 as a year of application. Apply everything you've learned after undergoing tough trials. Live your life in the best design that problems molded you to become.

“...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus”.- Philippians 3:13-14

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”- James 1:2-4

Forget your wrong and negative beliefs and expectations

As we were encapsulated in a sphere of trials, war, depression, recession and frustrations, we've tended pessimistic ideas of the world and of tomorrow. For 2009, this shouldn't be your atmosphere. News might've brought forth the results of economics; trusted sooth-sayers might've delivered its predictions, yet we have to remain optimistic that beyond science and the impossible, there lies God. Again, our worries will be dependent on how strong is our faith in HIM. News and predictions might initially and temporarily terrify a human mind and body, but if we know that we're with God, our inner soul will be at peace.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”- Proverbs 3:5-6

Account your goals

If you have goals that you plan to attain for 2009, FOCUS! As we focus, don't look back. A runner who wanted to win a race looks and runs forward. A backward runner who expects to win a race is insane, don't you think? Thus, if you plan to do something big this year, throw off the things and the habits that might hinder you from reaching your visions. Discipline is an important element that one should practice if we want to be a conqueror of our own dreams. I remember Jay one time, he swore to take care of his helath today and had attended a party that same night. He told me that he won't ever drink alchohol ever again. His officemates asked him to take a shot. It was his first time to dine out with the boys so I understood the politeness he demonstrated when he took the first shot. I noticed that he was already taking more than 3 bottles. I talked to him and reminded him of his promise. He told me, he can no longer stop because he misses alchohol and it was his first bonding with them.

Is there something wrong? Yes. The intention's clean but the acts weren't. Was it wrong to bond and to show politeness? No, it's not but it was wrong when you can no longer stop and you still used politeness to cover-up for an undisciplined behavior. What was the goal again? Not to drink alchohol to avoid diabetes and pancreatic illnesses (as it runs in the blood). Was the goal attained? No, because when he exposed himself to the environment of challenges, he thought he has enough courage to say “No”. The power was strong to stop him from achieving the goal and because he lacked discipline and the “throwing-off” character needed to overcome the trials of winning, he failed.

“....let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.- Hebrews 12:1

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”- Hebrews 12:11

Be explorative

Are you tired of doing the same things over and over again? Tired of your job? Of your boss? Of your life? Then, don't be. Move forward by being explorative. Movement doesn't always mean a change of environment and of position. It also means adding and subtracting the activities we do to shift from one habit to another. We sometimes feel bored because we become complacent to what we do. We've mastered the art of making our jobs as activities that have already been habitual over a certain length of time. Thus, we focus more on the boredom of the job and not to the adventure of how we do it. Replace complacency (via Maxwell) by adding knowledge to what you think would be required for the next position you eye of having. Shop for someone better than you are. Give yourself the challenge to move up and do not be afraid to take risks. Be the explorer of your own galaxy and let Him be NASA. Allow God to move in bigger ways, allow God to do bigger things in your life. If in any case, you have no certainty to move up, then don't and stay where you are. Do not do things to pull yourself backwards.

“All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.”- Philippians 3:15-16

Decide wisely and peacefully

Find time to ask for HIS help in making decisions, easy or tough. I remembered when I asked Tita Detch: “How would I know that my choice was God's?” She said: “If you find peace in your heart”. I recalled, there were 2 jobs offered to me last May. One includes good employer with a better position, the other one is with a good company with a better remuneration. I don't know which to select. I prayed hard and the answer was revealed to me. I chose the latter. Money matters so much to sustain a living in Singapore. Eversince I got up the ranks at the age of 22, I can't remember the last time I worked for 8 hours. I would always work 10-16 hours before. I can't remember the last time I slept when no one calls me from time to time about reports and clients' requirements. I can't remember the last time I watched a movie without my laptop enggaged on assignments. Events Organizing was my job. I might not be the boss of my company as I was before, but I was able to explore time for myself, for Jay, and for God without sacrificing abundance and sharing of resources.

“Be anxious for nothing, but for everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”- Philippians 4:6-7

Live a life worthy of your purpose

No one's an accident. Nothing's an accident. We were born to fulfill a purpose. We are living to perform a calling. Before, I find these statements “baduy”. I find people who tells me all these weird. Nonetheless, in a spiritual and logical perspective, it is indeed true that everything happens for a reason. My friend died. I went to Singapore. I left a glamorous life and a successful job in the Philippines. I felt regretful. I felt retarded for leaving all those behind. The things I discovered- I think deeply now, I believe in optimism, I have hope, I've known God and had helped many people gained confidence, fixed relationships and understood their worth. I've seen how I became a stubborn follower to being a hardworking mentor. I've seen how I was used by God to teach people lessons they ought to learn and how He uses other people to teach me, mine.

Our purpose is to win. We are never designed to lose. Losing was never God's option, it is man's choice. If you believe that when your boyfriend broke up with you or you got retrenched from your job, you lost life's essence then it would really be pretty much that way. Yet, if you believe that you won when you gained strength, patience, wider opportunities and lessons learned, then you would LIVE a glorious life that's worth all the pains and trials.

“Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.”-Proverbs 19:21

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test , he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”- James 2:12

New Year, New Blog

2009-01-02T12:01:00.000-08:00

Due to insistent public demand, I already opened up myself to the idea of somehow importing some of my articles in blogger.com.

My friends and pals have been telling me to try this site. I initially started with http://lifeandrunway.i.ph, where my original entries are still at. I still plan to continue blogging in the same site, though. I just want to share some of the entries that really brought a big number of clicks in my link.

I hope you guys enjoy reading the long-sensible stories. :)

'09 Interrogation at Inception

2009-01-02T11:59:00.000-08:00

Is it still? A surprise date, it is! Well, I would say I was astonished that he made a reservation at Pan Pacific Plaza and was a bit shocked that he chose a Japanese cuisine, which I am totally not fervent about. Still, I liked the idea and have appreciated the effort, though. Thanks baby!

What has changed so far? I went to the salon and had a hair rebond, hair color and hair cut. I also had my nails done and had it colored red. Red's one of my favorite color. I can't totally say that red's my new pink, but you assume that it's somehow getting there. Red signifies strength and confidence.. elegance and sophistication at its best! The hair cut's totally gorgeous. It was just so amusing that he was able to feel what I want amidst the "mandarin" barrier we had. All praised to Queen's Hair Salon!

Busy of what? I'm currently organizing a reunion party for my Highschool colleagues. They have been suggesting the idea five (5) years ago. I just had the time to completely focus when I realized that it has been 10 years since we emancipated from our HS lives. The event's one-year in the making to assure that even people abroad can go home for the get-together.

Plans for 2009? I'm currently thinking of having a career shift. I don't know what as of now, but one thing I desire is to have a hidden talent emphasized by the new job. Also, I'm planning to go back to my former vital stats. Funny as it may seem, but I have to prepare for Summer '09. As much as Jay and I have planned to go to Bali or Phuket, yet we won't trade our perfect date in Boracay last 2007. So, Boracay has a bigger probability to be considered as of now.

Fears for '09? Hopefully not this year yet.. I mean.. I love him and I also love if he can wait.. Well, a good writer also runs out of words to elaborate.. that happens, right? Hmmm.. Am I scared to have the knots tied for us this year? Am I afraid to say No? Or I'm just scared to answer why not? Or I'm more scared because there's no reason not to? Arghhhh... So far, I guess, that's my only fear. The rest of the things I should worry about was already lifted up to HIM. I know that this is a banner year for me and Jay, we claim that!

Happy New Year everyone! May we all have a bountiful, memorable, successful, and courageous 2009 ahead of us!

After Dark

2009-01-02T11:57:00.000-08:00

I've seen him running.. perspiring.. hidding from the dark. I saw him paranoid that someone might've seen him.. someone might've noticed him. He looks everywhere..he glances on one corner to the other. He thought he can keep it. He thought he can escape from it. He thought I wouldn't know.

It slipped out of his tongue. In his desire to share stories, word per word spilled out of his pail. Sewing statement per statement.. connecting a story from another..it made me realize who he was and what he is now. He was weak.. He is coward.

I began asking him questions that will put him back to the cold- obscure corner of his trauma. He was afraid that I would know. He thought I would dump him if I discover. Whenever I ask him piling questions, he gets upset. He goes back to the result of his addiction. He gets to hurt himself again. He gets to destroy his haven again. He goes back to looking dirty. He goes back to being weak. He prefer not to talk about it. He prefer no repetitive questions. He prefer to keep other details. He prefer to live only for today and tomorrow.

How would I be able to reach out to you if you don't patiently help me to? How would I be able to understand you if you hinder me from doing so? How would I love you more if it's you who asks me “What for?”? How would I shed light if you get yourself out of my sight?

My heart desire to fight for you. But arm me from the might that can separate myself from you. I would painfully listen. But I would gladly be enlightened. Choose to hurt me now than sacrificing the pain of tomorrow. I want you to overcome darkness. I want US to overturn sadness. There is nothing more important than forever. There is nothing I would want but you and me together. Hard as it may seem but I know nothing's difficult with HIM. Let's live a life after dark. Let's leave the PAST totally un-harked.

Reflection

2009-01-02T11:49:00.000-08:00

“I've seen her before”, was what I've said when I saw a petite lady in the train the other day.

It was a cold- boring weekend and I was listening to “Eyes on Fire” by Blue Foundation when I glanced on a lady carrying a pomme d' amour rosewood vernis LV bag. She's fair and she looks vain. I know I've seen her before . Few seconds, she caught me looking at her. She sweetly smiled and raised her right eyebrow after.

I was thinking, “did she also notice me?”

Few years back, she was the studious type of girl. Her life's dedicated to school and family. She topped the exams several times- from her prime years to her secondary. She was brought up by an ex-military-lawyer, her grandfather, to whom she got her looks and intelligence from. Her grandmother, whom she considered her real mom, was a classy businesswoman from whom she got her elegance and sense of style. She was brought up to be a disciplined, focused, sophisticated girl. I even remembered seeing a picture of her at the age of 3- sitting down with her legs elegantly crossed. She knows the right time to study and to receive phone calls. Unlike the other young girls who played outside with pals, she never had that so much privilege to do that. She was trained to read books at the age of 3, ballet at the age of 4, memorizing multiplication table at the age of 5 and singing at the age of 6. She was so enthusiastic about all these. Her toys include wiz kid (computer thing with spelling and IQ quizzes), a big bear, lego and abacus.

She had a boyfriend at the age of 12. She was madly in love with him. They burned the phone almost everyday for a year until they broke up. She was a silly-obsessive girl. She doesn't allow him to play badminton and basketball. She wanted all his time to be hers. He got so upset. She did everything to win him back. Unfortunately, things didn't go well and she experienced her first heart break.

She studied in a prestigious school in college. It was not that hard for her to choose a program because her grandma would always encourage her to be like grandpa. It wasn't difficult to pass the entrance exams, too since she was the First Honorable Mention in her secondary years inspite of her busy extra-curricular schedule. She was also a Dean's list that time. Her junior-adult life was very meaningful. Several challenges were exerienced by her family. Their house was deteriorated by fire. They turned from a millionaire to an average family. The entire clan had a difficult time moving on. Instead of being bound together, they chose to be separated from one another. She continued studying inspite of the economic down-turn they underwent- from being “Ms. Rich and Famous” to “Ms. Rags-no-riches”. Her grandmother's truly admirable. She was able to sell some of the vehicles, properties and businesses to re-build the house and for their continued education.

Before all this turmoil at the age of 16, she met another guy. Sensible, lavish, popular and fashionably romantic. He came from a good family. She went out with the guy for 5 years until she graduated college. They spent good times together, with an affluent life-style. She never thought that the reason for their break-up will be his unknown weakness to temptation. Since they were both committed at a young age and was almost thought of getting married, there was no space for both of them to enjoy anybody's company. They were exclusive to each other, so it's an obvious expectation that his thrill to be with another, caused him to be disloyal. The break up almost ruined her life. She got confined for a close-to-death gastric problem and she had a hard time recuperating a colon problem and a heart problem at the same time. She was too dependent on him that it made her crawl like a baby when he left her. Again, she tried all means to win him back, yet, he realized her worth when she found a new love. “I am never going back to this situation ever again!”, this was what she exactly said.

She met someone in her first job. A very nice guy, popular, from a good and prestigious family. He showed her love like no one else would. Though, this new guy's aware that she was still mending a broken heart, he consciously took part to help her. This is how nice he was. She tried to break-up with him several times since she doens't want to be unfair. She knew that she still loves the 2^nd and would like to get her self out of the past, alone. He never allowed.

Her career went on high after the break-up. She became a manager of a big outsourced company. She was too busy and more likely was misunderstood by him. Time and attention brought their 2-year relationship to an end.

After 3 years, she met a new guy in the new office. Simple but smart. She learned so much from the previous relationships she had. She knew that the guy was opt to play. She never took him seriously. She opened herself to dating other guys so she might carefully choose who to spend the rest of her life with. In her attempts to date guys of the same kind as before, she ended up being invited to Boracay by an entirely different type of guy. She went out with the simple IT guy who puzzled her so much. Aside from the confidence, of going up to her to invite someone as vain and unapproachable as she was that time in a luxurious date, she fell for the guy's transparency and simplicity. She was astounded by his maturity and industry. He didn't come from a well-off family, as what he said, but he was able to finish school, send his young bro to a nursing school, was able to buy a house and to establish a living for his parents. He and his sister did all these to give a better life to their retired parents. Unable to cope up with her lifestyle, he went abroad because he made up his mind to marry her in the next days to come. He suffered from pain, singularity and lonesome abroad just to give her a good life. She was pirated by another company and was being paid the big bucks. Both of them survived the long distance love affair, until..

A death of a friend made her move to Canada. He didn't allow this to happen so he got her to where he is. She gave up her high-profiled job just to be with him. Her parents were really mad at them but they were able to take all the pains and sufferings together. They reached a point where they've got no bread anymore. They experienced being troubled by debts. They sacrificed luxury for togetherness. They met God, thereafter. It was not an easy journey but they were able to fight the battle with complete submission and loyalty to HIM. She found a job and he got absorbed by the government. They were both earning more than what they thought. Ups and downs still continue but they were able to take the rough journey.. together. They stood the test of time, distance and differences.

It was a cold- boring weekend and I was listening to “Eyes on Fire” by Blue Foundation when I was riding a train and have glanced on a mirror.. a reflection.. I then realized that the lady... in this story... was ME...

Care to Share...Unstoppable Mind?

2009-01-02T11:37:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine called me just early this morning. She was telling me a none sense story about dirty-ebony girl who was formerly linked to her bf. She said that the girl even dedicated songs for her bf , “Waiting for you” and “Tears in my guitar”. She even went to the beach with her bf's family before although the family doesn't even like her. Her bf's sister even mentioned that she knew what type of girl she is because she never exude class or sophistication. She asked her bf why this girl was being linked to him and her bf said:

“Naawa lang talaga ako 'dun kasi may sinabi syang secret sakin. I find it pathetic nga for her to tell me that, eh we're not that close pa naman. 'Nu ka ba, I have never thought of her as a future girl friend. 'Di ganun type ko. Besides, i just broke up with my long time gf 'nun and she made herself available. You know how guys can be, 'di ba?”

My friend responded, “You're crazy naman to believe her, she just used that for her to get your sympathy and for you not to leave her.”

REACTION: Although this is a demented story, ideas just came by..these are over-flowing and I can't stop myself from writing. I know my friend so well, she's currently on a vacation and she's doing nothing that' why she has spared time to tell me bizaare stories, just like this. I told her to continue editing corporate websites because this was the first time I heard her mentioned this, although the issue existed 50 years ago.

ADVICES:

FOR MY FRIEND: Girl, I know you since birth and you trash issues like this. If she spends time writing about you and your bf then it's publicity for both of you. This obsessive story existed before and you just laughed about it and her, remember? Her level is far lower than yours. She can't even speak straight English (as said) and you're too professional. She's a kid, an obsessed girl, that's why she keeps on telling tragic stories to whoever, thinking that she can get someone else's sympathy. We both pity her. I mean, the girl lacks attention, fashion, and sophistication-- give it to her, girl.

FOR THE BF: Learn your lesson from this. Anything over doesn't do you any better. Being too nice brought you in this craze. It's not bad to pity her. You cared for her when you brainlessly believed her. But because, you don't know how to say “No”, your politeness letd you to making her believe that what you've shown her is more than friendship. When you spend time with someone, make sure its worth it. Besides, you need to take care of your health. When you become intimate with someone, learn to protect yourself. You wouldn't know if she's clean or not. I mean, as everyone in her department knows that she's playing too close with guys. You can't assure yourself that she's still clean, or any other girls you've been with. If the tragic story was true, she might've gotten an illness that might've been passed on to you. Better have yourself checked up. Also, do not get the strength to move on from any other girl/s, this can be the fastest but the lamest! DIY (Do It Yourself). Spend time to think what went wrong and work on your weaknesses. After all, it's all for your own good.

FOR THE GIRL: I know how it feels when you thought and believed that someone loves you and one day it turned out that he's in love with someone not you. Painful as it may seem, but this should be a lesson to ponder. Do not entrust yourself and do not get intimate with someone who's not your bf. Having an F buddy is not a good and healthy thing for us, girls. When you really love someone, you'll feel happy for him even if it causes you pain. Noble? Yes, loving in nature is indeed noble. Yet, you might've did it conditionally that's why you're at pain and you feel hatred.

Girl, it's time to re-structure your focus and priorities. I mean, do not put him or her nor them on the center of your life. The mere fact that you feel something (may it be hate, jealousy, insecurity or bitterness) means that you're still not over the entire situation. If my friend feels indifference for you, then you should do the same. Pretend that they both don't exist. Live your life to the fullest and stop blaming anyone for the choices you made when you were in love. After all, the pain you feel is the consequence of the choices you've made. You chose to be a best friend, you chose to be intimate, you chose not to commit, you chose to tell him a secret, you chose to divulge a private story (which supposedly is only to be shared to a future husband, when already enggaged) and you chose to dwell in pain instead of moving on. They're already happy and you're still stuck to hating both of them, can't you see that? I am all for woman, you know. Woman should be smart enough nowadays not to feel abused and deceived. We get all the rights that men do, all the more that we should not feel inferior. You're young and you need to get through this stage to learn, not to invest anger and revenge. Thank him and HIM for making you feel that way because with this opportunity, you learn how to be a better-grown-up person you never thought you would (hopefully). Thank you for also reading this blog- that you understood how things are being dealt with.

Hope we all learn a lot from this.. 'Till the next bloggin'!

Dear Heart...Wife's Privacy

2009-01-02T11:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Heart,

Hear me out! No one wants to listen, no one wants to believe. I am innocent. I fell in love. I was persuaded. One morning, I was a concubine.

3 years ago: I was young, beautiful and able. I was the pride of my parents. I was the pride of my colleagues. My siblings looked up to me so much. I met a politician in Boracay. In a bar, drinking with my friends, he sent me a drink. Acknowledging his way of making friends with me, I raised the glass which gave him the opportunity to go near me. We talked-an intelligent and sensible conversation. I was amazed. He said, he was mesmerized. Back in Manila, we kept in touch thru chats and text messages.

2 years and 8 months ago: I fell for him. We shared good memories together. He shared his past and I did too with him. He's like a TV-dream-guy turned real in flesh. Understanding, patient, intelligent, gentle, romantic, how else would I describe perfection? He asked me why I felt the same for him. I said, I find no reason not to.

2 years and 3 months ago: A lady knocked. Mom opened the door. She called me a mistress. Shocked and cold.. I cried. I believed him. I was hurt. My fairy dream ended.

2 years and 2 months ago: He was so apologetic. He mentioned he was separated, but is still married. I still love him. But I chose to do what's legally and morally acceptable.

2 years ago: I met someone, attractive, responsible, and smart. He confessed his feelings for me. I considered. I moved on with him. He talked about past relationships, I preferred not to share mine.

3 months ago: I married him, got pregnant and was the happiest woman of the world. I finally felt complete. I finally made my fairy tale come true.

A month ago: I saw a message with a picture. Picture of myself kissing my politician-ex-bf. A picture that was taken 3 years ago. I don't know who did it, suspected it was his wife. I told my better half. He got mad. I tried to defend myself. He judged me. I asked him to hear me out. He said I was unfaithful. I sent him a letter explaining my side of the story. He insisted to see the picture. I ignored. He wanted me to tell his name. I chose not to. He urged for a confrontation. I neglected him. He stayed mad. I just let him.

Today: Thinking.. I expected him to be beside me. I am carrying his child. I shared all the possible truth that I can share. He still doesn't care. He persist to know everything. I am not proud of my past. I never focused on his, why would he care about mine? Amidst marriage, I am still entitled to my personal privacy and he's taking that away from me. I don't want him to have any idea about my ex-bf. I let him think and realize his mistake. Hoping that he'll be able to forget this bad dream. I am still bleeding.. Please help me!

-MRS. PRIDE-

Dear Mrs. Pride,

Husbands and wives are not only destined to share present and future. They are also expected to share one another's history. You are suppose to equip each other of a battle they might face in case detractors (like this) come. Because he was unarmed, he got bruised when you tried to include him in your war-world. Now, he can't recuperate not just because he was severely injured but also because he doesn't want to help himself. As a man, he upholds pride. We have to understand an initial reaction. He felt betrayed. He felt that you denied him of his rights to know his wife. Similar to what you felt when your ex-bf told you about a past relationship and he skipped the marriage part. Keeping your past is also similar to making him blind of who you were. It also means that you only choose what you'd like him to see. Thus, you only put your best foot forward. It's also similar to keeping your old pictures, the ugly-duckling pictures, you had because you thought he can never see. You thought that you have persuaded him to believe that the way you look now was exactly the way you looked before.

Matured and responsible people should not be afraid of their past. You should even be proud of it. God allowed you to undergo circumstances like those to develop a better person out of yourself. You have already been shaped by God. No precious metal was formed without undergoing a purification process. Those were the processes you need to go through to become who you are now. The more that you have to tell all these to the person whom you have committed to share forever with because this is a living testimony of God's work in your life. This is the most glorified role of a wife-- to get the connection back between your man and God.

Your relationship is going nowhere because you're allowing it, too. You felt judged and intruded. You felt low and neglected. Everything is about yourself. The first thing you have to do is to learn how to forgive yourself. Humble yourself to know that you were at fault. You were a mistress. You were persuaded. You believed him and it was a complete mistake. Admission that you have sinned is the most important thing you can do to deserve forgiveness. In being a mistress, you didn't sin against him. It was an honest mistake. You've sinned against him when you kept it and when you still keep the entire story from him because you deny him of his right to know his partner. Privacy has always been thought to oppose integrity. Why keep something if you know you're doing the right thing? The fact is, you can practice both at the same time. Privacy in marriage doesn't mean that you keep information to one another. Privacy is giving each other the space to use his/her senses without committing sins against God and marriage. You're free to look at other people, but not to have an intimate relationship with them. You're free to talk to other girls, but not to court them when you're married. Privacy without discipline and integrity can always be abused. Just as free will is. Integrity without privacy will always be a good thing. But privacy without integrity can often misleads us.

Ask yourself: “Am I completely over my ex-bf? Is my privacy more important than making myself known to my husband? Is my pride more important than his security? Why do I still consider this story sensitive? In case, I'm not proud of it, can I at least look at it as God's way of purifying me? Have I completely understood why I was so ashamed of it? Have I completely realized why he was so mad with it? Would I save my personal space over marriage?”

There is no right or wrong answer. Your responses would highlight your priority. If it's more for your privacy, then you're not yet ready to face a married life. If it's for marriage, then you've already understood the painstaking efforts that you both need to undergo in sustaining a life long commitment. You have the answers. Your life is a product of your choices. Act wisely, Act Godly.

-heart-

Dear Heart..Husband's Calvary

2009-01-02T11:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Heart,

I received a call from my wife this morning..

We were just newly wed for almost 3 months months now. Had been in a 2-year relationship before getting married. Actually, she's even 2 months pregnant now. She was my dream girl. She's smart & independent.

..the call.. She was weeping. She told me that she received a call from a friend who told her that someone imitated her name in a networking tool and published a picture of her ex-bf and her kissing. There was even a statement quoting that she's a mistress. The picture was taken 3 years ago.

Months back, I was asking her about a politician ex-bf she had 3 years ago. She doesn't even want to tell. She kept on mentioning that “past is past” and I wasn't in her life that time-- well, basically telling me that I don't need to touch that part of her history. A bit offended, I respected her decision of keeping it to herself.

..mistress.. I was shocked. “I want to see the picture”, I insisted. She said that they called the Helpdesk of the networking medium to delete the account. I paused.. think..

She doesn't know that her politician ex-bf has a family. She was not aware that he's married. As for her, “this is something that I am not proud of”.

...breathe.. I decided not to talk to her first. I'm mad and I might say something that can hurt her more. She's pregnant but I'm furiously mad. It's not easy for a man to accept that his wife cheated on him. I want to know who they (wife and the politician) are. This problem won't end if there's no confrontation.She asked me, “Do you have any regrets of us getting married?” I said, “Do not ask me that question now.”

What am I supposed to do?

-Mr. Pride-

Dear Mr. Pride,

Love is from God and when there is good, there's evil. The devil will work double time since he knew that you're gifted with love. The devil has used past experiences and people to destroy your relationship. But think about this, would you let them win over your lives? If you'd nurse angst and revenge that would separate you more from your wife, isn't this what the devil wanted? You'd only give justice to what the detractors did. Would you accept your defeat? Would you surrender your love and faith to the power of distractions and evil?

Regarding trust and honesty, married people should share not only the present and the future, but also the past. You both need to equip one another of any experiences that might hunt you back. Commitment to the complete truth is your only weapon. Whatever it is, do not judge her for what already happened. She needs to undergo these circumstances to be a better person. Nothing in life is an accident. Everything is according to plan. It is God's plan to have your wife undergo the consequences of her former actions to develop her character. At the same time, it is also God's plan for you to experience such to overcome pride. Do not abstain yourselves in this God-given opportunity for both of you to learn. You are in pain because of pride, which is a devil's seed.

The picture was taken 4 years ago, as you said. There is no unfaithfulness. There is selective honesty. She selected the stories in her life that will be imparted to you. The details of the story were not discussed but the story was told and it was true. She didn't lie to you, she just kept other details to herself for her privacy. I'm not saying that what she did was right; but try to understand that everything has its perfect time. You can't determine her preparedness in sharing all these with you. All you need to do is to wait and to keep an open-mind about this.

You like to confront them. Would you do this to defend your wife or to satisfy your pride? This is your wife's battle. People need to learn. Do not take the bullets meant for her. Think and act WITH her, not FOR her.

Ask the Holy Spirit to broaden your understanding for her. All the more that she needs you now. God chose you to be with her, not for you to condemn her but to be supportive to her. Pride blocks acceptance. But, would pride win over love? What do you prioritize between a good and a bad seed? I suggest, help her to open things up with you. Do not invest hatred and regrets. Instead, help her to win a better person out of herself through this experience. Be with her all throughout this trial. At times like this, your vows are being tested. You'd have your own, would you like her to judge you at times you need her to believe you? You both need to pray and to ask for HIS guidance. Ask God to intervene in your married life. Ask HIM to give you the blessing of wisdom and understanding. Do not let your wife feel all alone. Let your wife know that God is with her thru you. God loves you both. Be faithful to God and battle with the devil by winning this challenge for HIS greater glory."

--HEART--