My Best Friend's Wedding

If I am to choose one thing that will best describe Alyz, it’ll be a shoe. Well, aside from the fact that she loves shoes, she’s really fashionable (kaya nga friends kami.. lol), tough (well, I’m talking about tough shoes here mare, made from the skin of Lolong.. joke!) and she’s really full of sense kaya you always want her around you.. just like the shoes, so utilized and you just can’t live without.

Our friendship all started when I went to college. A typical Lasallite who’d strut her sexy b**t whenever she walks and back then, I was the geek-y type who always goes to the library and go straight home after school. We sat beside one another during the first day of class, both in Legal Management course as both of us wanted to be a lawyer.. or shall I say both our parents want us to be lawyers. Lol.

Back then, it was a shallow friendship. It’s just shopping and getting-to-know episodes. Trust and depth struck our relationship during the summer of ’03. We both were diagnosed ill on the 2^nd Semester of Year 2 and we both need to stop from school. After getting ourselves well, we wanted to catch up and decided to take summer classes. Alyz and Tita Pritz were so generous to ask me to stay at their place so I can study with Alyz. And that was where our super bonding all started.

The friendship went transparent but solid. She knew me deep within and I did the same way. I am more than books and Alyz is more than bars. We found a common ground and that is wit, fashion, and books. We are both very independent and loud, very loving but wise, really serious but fun, and totally crazy but on track. We were not the perfect people in school, nor are we the perfect friends but we were at our best all the time and because of that we became BEST of FRIENDS.

Things were not easy as we sailed along the tough coasts of friendship. We had our break-off. But I guess, TRUE friends will always be friends, no matter what. We missed each other, we picked up where we left off after 2-3 years of unspoken words towards one another. And from there, we became the OLD WE.. with better clothes, shoes, jobs, and men. :)

Q & A of my SG wedding

My friends had sent me messages in FB, FS, in my 2 blogs, asking me various questions as they were so surprised when I finally said “yes” to getting married. Here are some:

What's with the rush?

It was not really a rush. We planned this, November 2008. There are a lot of times that I almost backed out since I felt that marriage can block all my dreams for myself and that I might ended up being someone else's wife instead of taking care of my own life. Jay has been very supportive and so am I with him. I guess, we've already passed that insecurity stage. We're now better off to see each other as partners- may it be in business or in cuddling future kids.

Are you pregnant?

I am not pregnant, yet. We are planning to have kids, hopefully when I reach 28; better yet, in HIS perfect time. Having a baby is what every woman should desire. I have always denied that fact for a lot of years. I have never seen myself writing all these when I was 23, but I guess, when you know you're with someone God-given and God blessed then every thing is so worthwhile. Getting into a married life isn't obligatory.. it shouldn't be. Being married is a legal and spiritual responsibility. Yet, directing yourself to the path of obligations can make one a good provider..not a good partner. A good partner requires sensitivity to one another's feelings and moods. It also requires love and respect.

Are you really happy?

Of course I am.. I am very happy. After all, we're heading towards getting married and spending forever with one another, why take sacrifices in waiting instead of taking the pains that marriage trials can offer..together? I'm not saying that couples should splurge in the marriage pool right away.. what I'm saying is-- if you know what you want and you've already validated the feelings- mad or sad, happy or cranky, then I guess, diving into that decision will really give you the best picture of happiness and contentment.

What made you said “Yes”?

He has always been so persistent to open up his wedding desires with me ever since we've been going out on a date last 2007. Yeah, it was so funny. We've just been going out for 4 months and he wanted to marry me na. OA di ba?! He's 3 years older than me, so I guess, with all his worldly experiences he already knew what he really wants forever. As for me, my relationship with him is not my best.. I can say, our fights were the worst. But you know what, love can be tested pala when you've seen one another at the worst outfits, faces, and attitudes and even if you'd like to kill one another, you ended up kissing and making up. That even if everything gets worst.. in the middle of a fight.. you can still laugh when someone farts (ewww..). Then in every slam of the doors, in every tear we shed, in every time I cried my heart out, I find my definition of LOVE with him- selfless, passionate, sacrifice, adjustment, understanding, respect.

What's with him?

Jay's the type of guy who'll give you what he ever wanted, who'll sacrifice outside the tent for me to sleep comfortably, who'll wake up in the middle of the night to check if my blanket's fine, who'll cook for me every morning while I'm doing my make up. He's also the type of guy, who'll make me learn sports and cooking- 2 things I hate doing several years back. He's the type of guy, who'll shut up when I'm mad, who'll hug me when I'm cranky, who'll listen to me when everyone wants to sleep na, who's interested even in the little details of my life. He's my comfort, my strength, my hubby.

What has changed?

I become unbelievably happier. I began to be more loving..more show-y with my emotions, more understanding and sweet, I believe. I became more caring with myself and with him. I dress up sexier and more gorgeous. I take care of my health and my food intake. This is no longer for me anymore.. this chapter's about us. I have to be healthy for our future family. I have to be pretty since I represent myself as his wife now. Everything, I happily do for him.. for myself.. for our future family.

I dream a dream

In my hollow sleep, I dreamt of wearing white.. a backless dress as white as snow, with my hair fixed and my face completely- Estee Lauder colored. 

There was also a pair of silver shoes complementing the white dress's diamond-brooch. I saw rings.. 2 rings 18k and 5g yellow and white gold combination.. those were really fantastic and shockingly expensive.

I also saw a suit worn by my a man. His face was blurd, but I noticed that he was wearing a purple tie.

On the other side of the bed, I saw a cute bouquet of flowers, beautifully arranged..all in accordance with my favorite colors (pink and purple). I also saw my Louis Vuitton on top of our TV table, with all my make up inside it. 

I also dreamt of Tita Detch and Tito Ferdy. Oh! Tito Ferdy was on leave, I guess. ROM was the venue, a Christian lady led the ceremony. After her declaration, I heard her say “God bless you”. I was surprised. I thought she was a buddhist, as most Chinese are. I dreamt of myself putting a ring on his and him putting another 10cm ring on mine. 

I saw how happy we were. I saw how satisfied and blessed my face was. 

I saw a Thai resto, with a long table filled with food we love to eat. Pastor Henry was there. I saw Jonathan taking our pix, too. Ate Donna was laughing with me. Came night time. I saw Kat, Katrina, Marlina, and Simon. I saw the man's friends and my church mates. They splured a party for us. They cooked Filipino dishes. The hall was amazing. It was classy. I saw myself crying, thereafter. My heart filled with joy and overwhelming blessings. I saw the man thanking everyone for their time and efforts. Then, I saw myself crying and declaring how thankful I am and how I felt God's love through the lives of the people in front me that time. 

Gifts were amazing! I was so speechless. I dreamt of going home really tired.. I also dreamt of wanting to write everything in this blog, but I was so restless that I fell asleep even in my dream.

When I woke up..morning of January 21, 2009, I saw myself.. wearing the ring and I saw the other side of the bed with a purple tie on it. Jay greeted me that morning... he said.. “Good morning, Mrs. Gonzales”. 

My Better friend's Wedding

Jay and I went home a week and a half ago for Ate Irene’s Wedding (Jay’s sister). I was chosen to be part of her entourage and Jay’s participation’s out of the question since he's the brother. I remembered when I was still in the Philippines, Ate Irene and I usually talk about her wedding- the preparation, some suggestions for invitation designs and the like.. and Finally, she got a corollary! She’s getting married..(well, she’s already Rahmie’s wife as of Nov. 15, 2008 by the way). It was a fun experience bonding with Jay’s family. I was able to know them well and broke my sphere for them to do the same with me. I realized a lot when I was participating in that ceremony. Preparation’s so stressful but the cermony’s just for half a day! I mean, that’s an expectation! But my realizations are:

1. Being married is an obligation but I can be single in expectation– I can get married without expecting too much. Because, as two bound individuals, maturity and security are pertinent part of an obligation. These becomes expectation when you assume that his world’s YOU and his eyes are yours.

2. Adobo can’t be a viand if you only have meat– Just the same as marriage. Marriage can’t be successful if you only have LOVE. Trust, Respect, and Commitment are important ingredients of Marriage. For me, these are not expectations, these are obligations. From the time you agreed of getting married, you know that you need to sacrifice biggest parts of yourself. You get married because you agreed in long-term consequences of the unity, which a part is submitting yourself to your partner without inducing your self-privacy.

3. Uniting with another individual in soul and in goals is a tough thing that married people can do– Imagine two people, with different breeding, perspectives, and personalities decided to unify future plans. If the bride wants her kids to speak English all the time and the hubby can’t even complete a grammatically correct statement, how do you think can this plan be implemented? Well, as for me, acceptance and understanding of differences play an important part in keeping marriage. It doesn’t mean that you have to accept that he can’t develop or would you ask your partner to change based on your own standards. It even adds spice if two people who are open-minded and eager to work things out, learn from one another’s differences and meet half-way for mutual-marital benefits.

4. Courtship should begin after Marriage ceremony– Most couples get into marriage for their sole purpose of legalizing their bond. We often hear a statement like “Di na namin kelangan ng mga ganun, kasal na naman kami”. This is one of the saddest expression and a great pretension a wife can give if someone asks her if her husband still gives her flowers and the lamest excuse if the husband was asked if he still invites her wife to go on dates. Marriage is a life long discovery of who you are and an excitement avenue to know who your partner is. Best foot forward is what one another deserve after marriage. Mistakes during BF-GF times should be corrected by the parties themselves before marriage. Individual growth determines relationship’s disposition.

5. Marriage (for me) should not be give-and-take, it should be sharing one another’s completeness– I personally do not find it sweet if a guy uttered words like “You complete me”. It terrifies me! A matured person who decides to get married knows what he wants, knows what he has, and has prepared himself to be complete (on his own standards) before entering into a life-long relationship. You don’t get married to completely obtain whatever your partner has. Taking the investment of your partner for herself, consumes her as an individual. Consumption is draining her. If you fail after taking what she has, how can you recover? If you don’t invest on yourself, you assume that you can still get something from her and she already got nothing, where can you pick yourself at? Sharing is dividing, allocating, apportioning. Meaning, if you need a pie, I can give you 3/8 of the pie, but not the whole pie. Is this being selfish? I don’t think so! As you need a pie, I gave you a portion of the pie. Is it wrong to reserve extra pie for my future use? Definitely not. You love him but you MUST also love yourself. Because after all, how can you expect love if you don’t know how to love yourself, to begin with.