Confessions.. Wife's misery

A gift of truth is what I had for Christmas.

I found myself mourning at 8am. I can't get myself out of bed. He did it again. He went home 5 am. I asked him, he said he worked over time. I saw my phone, I called her- asked her if she has been going out with my husband. She said, “Are you ready to know the truth”. I suddenly fell off the ground.

Came 4pm, I was waiting for her in Starbucks. She was wearing a skimpy outfit, carrying a Prada bag. Sophisticated, educated, warm-hearted. “Yes, we have been going out for almost a year now.”

At 8pm, she knocked at our door's house. She went in and decided to end this story by making my husband choose between her and his family. I saw my husband, talking to someone over the phone. Asking of who to choose. I prayed for strength. I faced in with all might. God's with me, I know.

I asked my husband once again if he has an affair with this woman. He uttered words I've been waiting for. “Yes, I love her.” It stubbed me, deeply that I can't breathe. Blaming myself of what I've done wrong. Painting a picture of them together. I asked him if he still loves me, he also confirmed. We made him choose. He said, he can't for now.

10am the next day, I cooked breakfast. I served him as if nothing happened. Tears came running down my face, but I want to gladly attend to his needs. He acted naturally, as if nothing happened. I asked him if he still loves me, he said he does. When I asked him if he still loves her, he said “I'm already here..with you..what more would you want from me?”

I love him- to the point of acting everyday as if nothing hurtful happened. To the point of going back to zero and blaming myself for my husband's mistakes. Up to the point of shopping my clothes patterned to her & buying bags similar to hers.

I hate him- He made me feel like a robbish. He made me hate myself. He destroyed my dream for our daughter- to have a warm and complete family. He neglected our family. He played no compassion to my efforts as a wife. He's still fine after hurting me.

THE LISTENER TALKS:

I am all for the sanctity of marriage and togetherness if RESPECT has been practiced and is being worked on. But in case that he's not aware that he violated a law of God and the law of men, I also believe that it's so hard to forgive someone who's not even asking for absolution. You were deeply hurt, bled and scarred because you made him the center of your life. You made him your god. You act in accordance to his acceptance. You completely took yourself out of the picture and you paved way for him to know and feel like he's on a billboard. God allowed you to pass through this stage to remind you that HE still exists. Promises and indulgences can all be disappointing and variably disgusting, yet God's words and promises will always be “Yes” and “Amen”. He answers prayers. It might not be on the same format we would want things to be done, but He does based on what HE knows is beautiful in HIS time.

If he said that he loves the girl last night, you can't expect him not to love her today. Detaching from love does not happen over night, this- you have to understand. But he also needs to know that if he made himself fall for her, he can also consciously do something to fall out.

Loving your husband has always been a good thing. But, if loving him means unawareness to God and to yourself, it's time to rehabilitate and re-focus. This problem is not your entire life and should not be your everyday. Do not live today for his love, his choice, his respect, or his empathy. Your earthly role is not only to be his wife. If you're injured as a wife, then do not be as a mother, as a daughter or as a friend. Do not sentence yourself to a life-long fiasco. After all, you weren't the one who chose to live a life of a sinner, he did! Instead of digging deeper reasons to hate or to love him, find good reasons to help him instead. Help him realize that he has sinned; that in continuing such, he's destroying his connection with God, with his daughter, with his wife and with the society. Make him ponder on things he want for himself. Direct him to be true to his self. Focus on doing all these as noble acts out of concern for him and not to yourself.

This time, make this episode yours. Your past was about him and betrayal, now make a better ending to this chapter. Say like, forgiveness and moving on. If you feel he needs a space to think, give it to him. After all, you also need yours since it'll be hard to recuperate if you keep on going back to the war. Deviate to the commonality of wives' practices of doing nothing while waiting for husbands to come back. Instead, spend time to gain what you've lost when you were together. As you lost confidence, try to re-invent yourself inside-out. Pick up the pieces of where you left yourself off. When was the last time you shopped? You indulged into a fancy resto-bar? You spent 3 hours in a hair or nail salon? Or spa salon, perhaps? When was the last time you watched a movie with your daughter or with your mom? When was the last time you visited your former professors or counsellors? Have you already organized a reunion party for your girlfriends? This might be a perfect time to do it. When was the last time you read a book? When was the last time you solemnly prayed? You might want to consider all these.

Always remeber: Never go back to the same spot where you saw yourself wounded, bleeding and failing. You can only win over this situation if you believe that you did! You can only forgive if you have forgiven yourself. Moreso, you can only give love if you OWN love.