Confessions..of a mistress

Heading to Jay's office, I was in Tanjong Pagar MRT when I suddenly bumped into a long time friend who's also taking the same route. I was so surprised since I never knew that she has already moved in SG for good. She was with me on a GS camping during my yester-years so bonding with her again was definitely a big thing! I was also at awe that she looked different now. She has had her hair curled, she lost weight, she was wearing make-up, tube and shorts, and she's so into branded items, too. We chatted as if there was no tomorrow. When current situations were amplified, unwanted stories splured out of the conversation.

"I'm with a married man, mare. I have been going out with him for almost 3 years now. He's working here in SG kaya I decided to stay here na lang with him. His family kasi is in the Philippines so sobrang liit lang ng space namin there. He got me na lang and asked me to resign to stay with him here."

I don't know how I reacted that time.. Honestly, I didn't expect her to be in that disposition. I mean, I don't have anything against girls who fall in love with married men, but I would say, I'm curious with girls who enggaged into a relationship with men of the same type. Instead of sounding like I'm belittling her, I just continue to ask her so I would have a better understanding of why she chose a difficult life.

"What do you get from this type of relationship?"

1. Confidence- The situation where she's at gives her confidence since she believed that she has more to offer than the wife's. JC began comparing her from his wife and had focused on her strengths so much that she felt elevated. The feeling she has was compared to her previous relationships', that she felt like "No man had ever made me feel this way, but him". So, she sticks with him. "JC even said that his wife's a nagger, that Miles (JC's wife) looks haggard and terrible now, and that she's so jealous and insecure".

UNSPOKEN REACTION: Partly true. One can get confidence if she has been compared to the rest of the girls in a man's history and he exaggerated that you're the best in all aspects! Yet, you also might want to think that he might've said this to every other girl he had been with. How assured are you that this is the first time he had a mistress? Do you really need to get confidence from a married man? Married man has limited choices. Thus, being the best amongst limited options is not as glorified as being the best amongst unattached men with varied selection. Also, hadn't it cross your mind that as he talks dirty about his wife (whom he chose to marry in the first place), he can also do false comments with you? A gentle man wouldn't talk dirty about girls who has been part of his life. Most of the time, if he did, then he's bitter about them.

2. Excitement- Excitement is not only for guys. Girls look for the same adventure, too. She mentioned that JC works and visits his family during weekends (when they were still in the Philippines. JC's from Bulacan, anyway and they both worked in Makati). Yet, his weekdays are hers and she found it really exhilarating. No one in their former office knew their relationship (since immorality is not tolerated in their office and they might be subject to termination). The mere fact that they know their status and they keep it from the rest of the world brought her so much adventure that she flamed so much to keep it.

UNSPOKEN REACTION: In our curiosity and eagerness, we would like to try everything that would stimulate our competitive spirit and would try even the worst challenge, just to test our Emotional Quotient (EQ). Girl, this source of excitement can destroy lives. I am pertaining to all invlolved parties' lives, including yours. You can't expect a good fruit from a rotten root. Thus, the choice of being involved with a married man would branch from one trouble to another. All the "feel-good-with-him" is temporary, what remains permanent is that he already belonged to someone else who's not you.

3. Feeling of being loved (it might not be entirely, but a portion of him keeps her complete--according to her)- Girls who are elated and exhilarated to find love takes whover can give them the best. In this case, my friend found a married man for he was the only guy who made her feel beautiful and special. "He said he loved me, that he's willing to leave his family for me and that he'll have his marriage annulled."

UNSPOKEN REACTION: You can feel that. Lust, like, pity, and companionship can always be mistaken as love. This is not only limited to guys, but also for us girls. If one can't even be sure about what he feels, how can you be sure about his? You can be definite of what you feel after a long confusion, how sure are you that he's not confused? He mentioned that he'll leave his family for you? Girl, you might want to think it over. You have been going out for 3 years and he has never left his family for such a long time even if he said he would. He trusts his wife so much, that no matter what happened, he'll always have someone to go to even if he losts you since they're bound legally. He also values his kids and would like to give them a complete family. If he really would like to leave his wife, he could've done it even before he met you. He has a direct comparisson that'w why he felt the unlikeness he has for his wife. How sure are you that you're exempted for another comparisson if he'll meet a new girl?

"Do you believe everything he says?"

--"Yes! He wouldn't brought me here if he doesn't love me. We've been honest to one another ever since. He told me everything about him. He didn't keep his status and his kids. He even shows me the text messages of his wife. We save and plan for our future together. He really made me feel like a wife and his wife, the mistress."

UNSPOKEN REACTION: If he has not been honest to his wife (whom he chose to spend his entire life with), how sure are you that he's with you? Through showing you the text messages of his wife? Haven't you thought that he has already filtered his Inbox? JC would really tell you that he's married and he's got kids for you to accept that his time and attention are divided. How sure are you that in partition, he's not allocating time for another girl besides you and his wife? Saving with him is not a good option. Married men are opt for conjugal obligations. His wife deserves the right to whatever income, savings, or expenditures he has. If in any case, he named a savings account under yours, don't you think that his wife might ask for an internal audit of all your stated income in BIR. If found that you've saved more than what you've earned and you were taxed based on what you've earned then you've evaded tax in Philippine law and you're bound to a commission of a crime. Think about everything, girl. Would you still want to undergo all these for a man who's not even yours in the first place?

"Have you ever thought of his wife and his kids?"

--"Yes. I was so concerned about his kids. His wife's a total bitch and I know that she deserves it. All she cares about is JC's remittance! One time, JC's phone rang in our former office and I answered it in his behalf. Miles sounded so upset that I was the one who answered the phone. She even asked me why did I answer JC's phone. Duh! We belong to the same office, Bitch! I told JC about it and he really scolded his wife after that. They fought so much that at the middle of the night I heard a knock at my condo's door. JC decided to stay with me either. So happy that he fought for me."

UNSPOKEN REACTION: Mistresses are women, too. You also have a hunch to deal with. If the wife got upset with you, it only means that she already felt that something is going on between you and her husband. His wife may be a total bitch but the same description goes for you, too. After all, she bitches with her husband, within her sovereignty and you bitch beyond your territory. You're bitcher than her. Would you like a fellow woman to tell you that you deserve a heart break and a destroyed life if things didn't go well with you and JC? Feel for your fellow woman. Being a mistress is a matter of choice. You don't blame anyone for the choices you have made.

"Do you really love him that you've sacrificed your reputation for him?"

---"Of course. He deserved to be loved this way. If his wife can't give him the love he wanted, I'll be the one to."

UNSPOKEN REACTION: Love yourself first, before you expect love. In this reaction, you have given your 100% thinking that by doing so, you can get him from his wife. Wrong! You're at your best feet to show him that you're better than what he's got and that you deserve him more than his wife. You're not loving him because you feel the passion. You feel compassion. You pity him and at the same time, you compete with his wife. You feel the heat of the competition and you feel good when you win. The feeling of winning and being special is your "feel-good", not love.

"Don't you find it unfair that instead of having an undivided love and attention, he has to be a husband, a father, and a BF to you all at the same time?"

--Sometimes. Yet, he told me that he's taking his time and he's also fixing things to get geared up for an annulment. Thus, I'll have him, entirely."

UNSPOKEN REACTION: You can't have him entirely. He's a father and he'll always be. If he values his kids so much, he also values the mother. WEAK guys would always want to feel secured up to the extent of having reserved tires. They can't get the confidence and sercurity from their wives so they get it from other girls. I pity guys like JC. If a guy's confident about himself, he would not need to be too much flattered with girls having a crush on him because he would know that he's adorable in the first place. Thus, being liked is a casual thing for a secured and confident man. WEAK guys who received flattery would be too polite to girls who gave them glory to the extent of enggaging into relationships with them because they feel glorified and adored. This also goes the same with girls.

"Do you trust him an does he trust you too?"

--"I trust him a lot, as in 100%. As said, he shows me Miles' text messages so I feel secured in a lot of ways. I don't think that he trusts me in the same manner I do. He even told me this--As you broke up with Ergo (her ex-bf) for me, I am not assured that you won't bring me the same trouble and pain."

UNSPOKEN REACTION: You should've reverted the same statement. How can you trust that he won't also do it to you knowing that he did the same with his wife. The more that you can't trust him! He mentioned this statement because he begins to feel insecured with you. His insecurities are beginning to engulf him. You're single and his committed. He's gambling his life (his loyal wife and kids) and you don't have much to gamble (since you're not attached). He's afraid to lose because he knows that he won't have someone to turn to if he runs out of tires because he has already given up a reservoir.

My fellow FOXY Divas, think about all these scenarios. The mistress and the wife are both women. Thus, to bring spice into a relationship, be the wife and be the mistress of your husband. What it means is that, you become the caring, submissive, and loving wife who can also be a bitch-independent presentable woman he can ever have. Guys (may they admit it or not) like independent woman. Woman who's firm and who's not clingy. Don't be too needy. Sometimes, give them the sense of competition that you don't need his help since you can do it on your own. Listen to what your husband needs. Sometimes, he might not be direct but if you're sensitive enough, you can feel what he wants you to become. Be open to suggestions especially if this is for the betterment of the relationship.

For my friend, this is a dead relationship. You don't deserve to be a substitute. You're far more better than that. You'll be treated in the same manner you look at yourself. Put a higher regard for yourself. Put more value. You're educated and you're beautiful. If you want to give justice to how you're brought up and who you are as a person, RESPECT yourself. You still have the time to correct these mistakes.. to correct your ways. Get out in the open and return what's not yours. You'll get your OWN in HIS perfect time. :)