I was checking my Inbox just earlier this morning, when I saw a mail from a friend of mine in Paris. I was so excited to read the mail and as I read through, it crashed my heart to continue.
Her husband’s cheating on her! She saw some pictures of her husband and his officemate together.. not just that.. a picture of the girl-office mate kissing her hubby in the cheek. I called her immediately to check on how she’s coping up with it. She said that she never thought Daniel (her hubby) would do such a thing. Daniel’s a sweet, nice and friendly person. He’s warm and polite, that sometimes, he’s so afraid to say No (ironic thing– especially to girls!). She was telling me that he changed a lot from the time that Daniel gets promoted (from a Real Estate Agent to a Sales Manager). Ica (not her real name), cried her heart out and said that she wanted to further investigate. She said that she talked to some of Daniel’s pals and all she got were like scripted responses. She was so confused that she can’t totally focus and all she does everyday is cry. She even asked Daniel if he still loves her.
Daniel said “Anu ka ba? Tinatanong pa ba yan?”.
I immediately asked her, “How did you take his response?”.
She said, “Para namang mahal n’ya ko. He even cried to me and told me not to leave him. I clarified the picture that I saw and he said na wala naman daw ‘yun. Close lang daw talaga sila and ganun naman daw talaga magpapicture si Ella (girl office mate, alleged mistress). Ewan ko ba, parang nalilito ako.”
I said, “What do you think about his explanations? Naniniwala ka ba?”
“She responded, “Mahal naman n’ya ko eh, kaya lang flirt talaga si Ella.”
MY STANDPOINTS:
A married man is expected not to pose in a picture with someone kissing him on a cheek– I would ask him, “Do you know the word R-E-S-P-E-C-T??!! How would you feel if I, as a married woman, posed on a picture in the manner you did? How would you feel about that?” Make him look at things at the angle you were peeking at. Make him realize that you deserve respect and this isn’t a demonstration of faithfulness. I’ll even add, “Let’s say that Ella usually takes pictures with other guys just in the same posing. Do you really need to be one of them? Do you really need to allow her to do the same to a married man like you? Have you ever thought of how I would feel at the time you were doing that? Because if there would be a close boy friend of mine who would like to kiss me while taking a pic, I would never allow him to do that since I RESPECT you a lot as my hubby and I know that you’l disapprove of it, too.”
Don’t contradict or believe in everything hubby’s says– Focus on your goal (which is to find out the truth) and do not be easily persuaded. Guys would use all the enchanting words to make you believe that everything’s fine.. worst, is to make you believe that you’re the villain who accuses and they’re the innocent victim who does nothing!
Never investigate if you’re not ready to get hurt– Investigating is searching for the truth. Digging deeper into the issue requires higher Adversity Quotient (AQ) and maturity. You should have Plan A and Plan B. What if you find out that you’re right, that they do have a relationship.. that he really cheated on you.. how would you take it? Would you cry all day long and nag at him or would you rather compose yourself first and face him after? How would you take his reaction if he confirms? Would you cry and beg for him to stay or would you rather slap him, walk out and pack or Would you steadily and sternly ask him of his plans now that you already know it? Learn to plan your reactions so you would still appear composed and poised.
Never ask the guy friends of your hubby, they wouldn’t over turn; instead, ask hubby’s girl friends, they’re most likely to confirm– NOTICE:Make sure that you ask a girl friend who’s not too close to your hunched mistress. Guys wouldn’t or would rarely spill out. Their loyalty belongs to one another. It’s as if they understood and defend the reasons for unacceptable actions since they also might’ve done those one time in their lives. Others, wouldn’t want to tell since they don’t care! I mean, they don’t really want to be a drama queen in a movie entitled “A Love Story”. Girls are better sources of news of this type. They might not be the best, but they’re better compared to the guys. Girls know the battle a fellow one undergoes in terms of being cheated upon. They might’ve experienced such one time in their lives, too or they’re more cautious to help a fellow than to receive a “karma”. If guys are known to have their own fraternity when they do naughty deeds, girls bunched to have a sorority to pacify each other, to be with one another, and to go against the icky-dirty cheapness of a fraternity.
Divorce or Legal Separation should not always be the solution– Married couples got obligations to one another. If your husband failed to do his, make sure you do yours. Your responsibility, now that he has already cheated on you, is to make him realize that his actions destroy him, not only as a husband and as a father, but also as a person.. as a Christian. Your initial goal is not to make him a good husband, but rather, as a good person. Focus on how to help him get out of the situation. If you believe that your husband’s a good person, then he might’ve been so weak to entertaintemptations. Your husband’s lost. Show him the way to a prudent life and grow together in a marital-spiritual relationship, thereafter.
AS FOR ME, A BITCH (Babe In Total Control of Herself), I would never enggage into a divorce or would I ever leave my house and my hubby. In doing such, I would only tolerate him to act like an adolescent who still courts and flirts. I would never give up my conjugal rights as a wife! His house, money, car, and all other wealth are mine, too. I’ll get what is rightfully mine and be firm for my kid. I wouldn’t be too emotional, insteadI’ll be more cosmetological. Being beautiful is the best revenge. I’ll take his money and go to salons, go shopping for me and my kid, and save a bigger portion in the bank. After all, how would he let go of a beautiful wife who has his OWN kid in the first place?!
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