Dear Heart...Wife's Privacy

Dear Heart,

Hear me out! No one wants to listen, no one wants to believe. I am innocent. I fell in love. I was persuaded. One morning, I was a concubine.

3 years ago: I was young, beautiful and able. I was the pride of my parents. I was the pride of my colleagues. My siblings looked up to me so much. I met a politician in Boracay. In a bar, drinking with my friends, he sent me a drink. Acknowledging his way of making friends with me, I raised the glass which gave him the opportunity to go near me. We talked-an intelligent and sensible conversation. I was amazed. He said, he was mesmerized. Back in Manila, we kept in touch thru chats and text messages.

2 years and 8 months ago: I fell for him. We shared good memories together. He shared his past and I did too with him. He's like a TV-dream-guy turned real in flesh. Understanding, patient, intelligent, gentle, romantic, how else would I describe perfection? He asked me why I felt the same for him. I said, I find no reason not to.

2 years and 3 months ago: A lady knocked. Mom opened the door. She called me a mistress. Shocked and cold.. I cried. I believed him. I was hurt. My fairy dream ended.

2 years and 2 months ago: He was so apologetic. He mentioned he was separated, but is still married. I still love him. But I chose to do what's legally and morally acceptable.

2 years ago: I met someone, attractive, responsible, and smart. He confessed his feelings for me. I considered. I moved on with him. He talked about past relationships, I preferred not to share mine.

3 months ago: I married him, got pregnant and was the happiest woman of the world. I finally felt complete. I finally made my fairy tale come true.

A month ago: I saw a message with a picture. Picture of myself kissing my politician-ex-bf. A picture that was taken 3 years ago. I don't know who did it, suspected it was his wife. I told my better half. He got mad. I tried to defend myself. He judged me. I asked him to hear me out. He said I was unfaithful. I sent him a letter explaining my side of the story. He insisted to see the picture. I ignored. He wanted me to tell his name. I chose not to. He urged for a confrontation. I neglected him. He stayed mad. I just let him.

Today: Thinking.. I expected him to be beside me. I am carrying his child. I shared all the possible truth that I can share. He still doesn't care. He persist to know everything. I am not proud of my past. I never focused on his, why would he care about mine? Amidst marriage, I am still entitled to my personal privacy and he's taking that away from me. I don't want him to have any idea about my ex-bf. I let him think and realize his mistake. Hoping that he'll be able to forget this bad dream. I am still bleeding.. Please help me!

-MRS. PRIDE-

Dear Mrs. Pride,

Husbands and wives are not only destined to share present and future. They are also expected to share one another's history. You are suppose to equip each other of a battle they might face in case detractors (like this) come. Because he was unarmed, he got bruised when you tried to include him in your war-world. Now, he can't recuperate not just because he was severely injured but also because he doesn't want to help himself. As a man, he upholds pride. We have to understand an initial reaction. He felt betrayed. He felt that you denied him of his rights to know his wife. Similar to what you felt when your ex-bf told you about a past relationship and he skipped the marriage part. Keeping your past is also similar to making him blind of who you were. It also means that you only choose what you'd like him to see. Thus, you only put your best foot forward. It's also similar to keeping your old pictures, the ugly-duckling pictures, you had because you thought he can never see. You thought that you have persuaded him to believe that the way you look now was exactly the way you looked before.

Matured and responsible people should not be afraid of their past. You should even be proud of it. God allowed you to undergo circumstances like those to develop a better person out of yourself. You have already been shaped by God. No precious metal was formed without undergoing a purification process. Those were the processes you need to go through to become who you are now. The more that you have to tell all these to the person whom you have committed to share forever with because this is a living testimony of God's work in your life. This is the most glorified role of a wife-- to get the connection back between your man and God.

Your relationship is going nowhere because you're allowing it, too. You felt judged and intruded. You felt low and neglected. Everything is about yourself. The first thing you have to do is to learn how to forgive yourself. Humble yourself to know that you were at fault. You were a mistress. You were persuaded. You believed him and it was a complete mistake. Admission that you have sinned is the most important thing you can do to deserve forgiveness. In being a mistress, you didn't sin against him. It was an honest mistake. You've sinned against him when you kept it and when you still keep the entire story from him because you deny him of his right to know his partner. Privacy has always been thought to oppose integrity. Why keep something if you know you're doing the right thing? The fact is, you can practice both at the same time. Privacy in marriage doesn't mean that you keep information to one another. Privacy is giving each other the space to use his/her senses without committing sins against God and marriage. You're free to look at other people, but not to have an intimate relationship with them. You're free to talk to other girls, but not to court them when you're married. Privacy without discipline and integrity can always be abused. Just as free will is. Integrity without privacy will always be a good thing. But privacy without integrity can often misleads us.

Ask yourself: “Am I completely over my ex-bf? Is my privacy more important than making myself known to my husband? Is my pride more important than his security? Why do I still consider this story sensitive? In case, I'm not proud of it, can I at least look at it as God's way of purifying me? Have I completely understood why I was so ashamed of it? Have I completely realized why he was so mad with it? Would I save my personal space over marriage?”

There is no right or wrong answer. Your responses would highlight your priority. If it's more for your privacy, then you're not yet ready to face a married life. If it's for marriage, then you've already understood the painstaking efforts that you both need to undergo in sustaining a life long commitment. You have the answers. Your life is a product of your choices. Act wisely, Act Godly.

-heart-